Goku: A Shrek Parody
by APienkoss
Summary: The story of Shrek, told with different cast of anime characters. One of my first stories ever written, revised.
1. Chapter 1

GOKU: A Shrek parody - DBZ & SM Style

By Alex Pienkoss

Revised By Sami-chan

Authors notes:: This is a parody of the movie Shrek. I have changed the lines and the characters just a tiny bit to suit my fiction. I don't know if this has been done before, but I am going to give it a shot. Anyway, I would like to explain a few things:

The characters will not be able to use their powers. For example, SS4 Goku has high strength, but he can't use Ki or fly. For the fairy tale creatures, I decided to switch them with other anime characters.

The cast is as follows…

Shrek: Goku (Dragonball Z)

Princess Fiona: Rei (Sailor Mars)

Donkey: Artemis (Sailor Moon)

Dragon: Filia (Slayers Try)

Lord Farquad: Darien (Sailor Moon)

Thelonious: Mr. Satan, Hercule for the dubbies (Dragonball Z)

Gingerbread man: Chaotzu (Dragonball Z)

Robin Hood: Teenage Gohan (Dragonball Z)

Pinnocchio: Ranma (Ranma 1/2)

Captain of the Guard: Juunanagou (Dragonball Z)

Princesses: Usagi and Ami (Sailor Moon)

Mirror: Yamcha (Dragonball Z)

Other characters like people of Duloc, renamed A-Kon, or the fairytale cast will be just ordinary people or anime characters. My story's rating will vary at PG-13, for some suggestive language or situations, as well as cursing. I really hope you all enjoy it, and I will try to post the next part soon.

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CHAPTER ONE

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Goku sat with a small book in his lap, and he amusedly read the lines to himself.

"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess, but she had an enchantment on herself of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire breathing monster. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss."

The pink furry saiya-jin let out a snorting laugh as he ripped the rest of the book out to use as toilet paper. "Like that's ever gonna happen! Oh, lordy," He exclaimed, as he stepped out of the outhouse to then do his daily activities.

Goku took a quick bath in the cleaner water of the swamp by his house, painted himself a beautifully terrifying 'no trespassing' sign, and caught himself a fish for dinner. Meanwhile, in the town near his swamp, the people were gathered together in the town square, plotting on catching a certain hairy saiya-jin.

Goku had just sat down to his dinner when he heard strange noises outside his home, sounds like booted feet and hushed whispers. He quietly snuck out his back door and crept up behind the unsuspecting lot of villagers.

"It's in there... all right, let's get it!" One of them cried, running out towards the house, but he was yanked back by another man.

"Hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?"

A third villager then spoke up. "Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread."

Their laughter was cut short as Goku's rumbling chortle resounded in their ears. They turned to look just as he smirked at their surprised, frightened faces.

"Yes, actually, that would be an Ice-jin. Now Saiya-jin, oh they're much worse. They'll make a soup in your freshly peeled skin... they'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes!" He stopped his advance on the retreating men to place his hand on his chin and remark in a thoughtful manner. "Actually, it's quite good on toast."

He raised an eyebrow as one man waved a lighted torch at him.

"Back! Back beast! Back! I warn ya!" The bold fool cried.

Goku licked his fingers and put out the fire on the torch. He and the villagers shared smiles, one calm, the others' nervous. The once bold man now shook slightly as his grin faltered. "Right," He squeaked out.

Goku took a deep breath and roared for all he was worth at the puny humans, who screamed as though they were five year old girls and not strong village men.

After he had finished yelling, Goku wiped his mouth and whispered to the petrified men. "This is the part where _you _run away."

In no time at all, his swamp was empty, save for a dust cloud and a small piece of paper that floated down to the ground, unnoticed by the laughing Saiya-jin. "And stay out!"

Goku took a step forward and heard something crunch bellow him; he reached down and lifted the crumpled paper into the light trailing from his window. A picture of an Anime character's face was shown above bold, black letters. 'WANTED, ANIME CHARACTERS OF ALL TYPE, REWARDS WILL VARY' He shook his head and dropped the paper back to the ground, heading inside his home to finish his meal in peace.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Chapter 2

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CHAPTER TWO

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In a large clearing not far from Goku's swamp, a gathering of villagers, anime characters, and soldiers could be seen dwelling about. Most of the anime characters were either in chains or cages, or being loaded into carts to be shipped off somewhere unmentionable. The rest of the creatures were standing in a long line with various villagers waiting to claim their reward. At the head of the line, a large oak table was set up, surrounded by armed guards. At this table sat Juunanagou, captain of Lord Darien's army. He was a shrewd, handsome young man, whose piercing blue eyes glinted more ferociously than his polished sword ever could.

At the moment, he was bored out of his skull. He stifled a yawn as the guard beside him called up the next villager. He really found the whole ordeal tiresome... Lord Darien insisted that all the anime characters be removed from his lands because, as he put it, they 'shed their annoying antics all over his perfect world.' He rolled his eyes and handed the man in front of him twenty pieces of silver for the Vash the Stampede.

The man walked back down the line with a scowl on his face. "Lousy twenty pieces," He grumbled as he passed by an old woman and her catch.

Her captive was a white cat, the size of a small lion, with a crescent moon on it's forehead. The cat turned to the woman that he had served since he was a child and begged her once more.

"Please, don't turn me in, I'll never be stubborn again, I can change! Please, give me another chance!" He bit his lower lip as the old hag turned hateful eyes towards him.

"Oh, shut up!" She hissed, lifting a hand to strike him.

Artemis backed down with a defeated sigh. He watched as the line got closer and closer to the table, till he was only one person away.

"Next," Boomed the captain's voice. "What have you got?" He raised an eyebrow in question as a young boy with bright blue eyes and black hair tied in a pigtail was set down in front of him.

The man who had put the boy down smiled at him. "This boy becomes a girl."

Before Juunanagou could respond, the youth turned to him and stated firmly. "I'm not a girl, I'm a real boy!"

His words would have been believable if it were not for the cold water that was suddenly poured on him, indeed turning him into a red-haired girl. Juunanagou stared at the boy as though this was the stupidest thing alive, then flippantly remarked to his guards.

"Five shillings for the half-boy. Take it away."

The hefty old man took his money and walked away, ignoring the cries of the young boy as he was lifted and carried off. "No, wait! Father, don't let them do this!"

Artemis was horrified by the whole situation, but he suddenly heard the words of his own doom. "Next.. what have you got?"

The cat glanced frantically around for an escape as his former mistress smirked at the captain. "Well, I've got a talking cat."

Her confidence grew as Juunanagou smiled blandly at her. "Right," He began cheerfully. "Well that's good for ten shillings," His voice then lowered to a deadpan. "If you can prove it."

Artemis was then struck with a flash of brilliance; the only way they could tell he was a anime character was if he talked. He kept his mouth shut as the old woman turned to him. "Go ahead, big fella, talk for the nice man."

She frowned as Artemis gave her an incredulous look.

The captain raised an eyebrow; he didn't hear any talking from the cat, who was wisely keeping quiet.

"Well?" He inquired. The woman smiled nervously.

"Oh, ha, he's just, uh... he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a talker." She growled at Artemis. "Talk, you bone-headed dolt!"

Juunanagou rolled his eyes. "All right, I've heard enough. Guards."

The woman frantically waved her arms as the knights approached her. "No, no! I swear, he's an anime character, he is!" She grabbed Artemis' head and waved it around in a weak act of ventriloquism. " 'I can talk, I'm the damn most talking cat you've ever seen!' " She gave them all a weak grin.

Juunanagou was less than convinced. "Get her out of my sight," He ordered.

The old woman put up a good struggle with the guards, grabbing onto Artemis and trying desperately to prove her story. There was a resounding 'whack' as her hand hit the top of his head.

"Ouch, that hurt!"

She smirked as everyone around her gasped. Artemis covered his mouth. "I can talk!" He yelped in false surprise.

A small child laughed and yelled. "He can talk!"

Juunanagou wasn't concerned with that though all he was worried about was the fact that, "He's a anime character!"

Artemis finally uncovered his mouth and turned to smirk at the captain. "That's right, fool! I am a pure anime character. You may have seen a house cat, maybe even a alley cat, but you ain't never seen a _talking _cat!"

His smirked faltered as the guards walked towards him. "Uh-oh."

He turned to run just as Juunanagou yelled out. "Seize him!"

The soldiers pounced on him, but he managed to throw them off and break away into the forest. His breath came in short pants as he ran, his pulse pounding as loudly at the sound of the armored foot steps behind him. He turned his head to see just how close the guards were when he ran into something solid, and rather furry.

He let out a startled 'oof' and fell to the ground. Artemis blinked up at a tall, furry, pink saiya-jin, with sharp eyes and an unhappy frown. He was about to speak in surprise, but the sounds of the guards made him duck behind the impressive saiya-jin instead. Goku narrowed his eyes as the troop of knights thundered into the woods.

The knights clambered to a halt at the sight of the beast, and the captain cleared his throat and spoke nervously. "You there, Saiya-jin."

Goku crossed his arms over his bare chest. "Aye?" He raised an eyebrow as the captain rambled on in a tremulous manner.

Juunanagou pulled out a scroll with a large blue D on it, displaying it for the large saiya-jin as he spoke to him. "By the order of Lord Darien, I am... authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated...free settlement... facility."

He gulped as the tall, hairy beast looked him right in the eye as he spoke, and smirked down at him. "Oh, really? You and what army?" Goku asked smugly, as the captain finally noticed that his men had all left him. He let out a small cry and ran back the way he had come...after all, a level four saiya-jin was not something that was to be messed with alone.

Goku snorted as he turned and walked past the awe struck cat. Artemis cleared his throat and smiled at the furry back.

"Can I.. can I say something to you? Listen, you was really something back there," He remarked as he ran to catch up with his rescuer. He kept the big saiya-jin's back in front of him as Goku tried to turn and look at him. "Incredible," He continued.

Goku stared around in a bit of confusion.. every time he tried to see the face that went the voice, he was met with scenery. He scratched the back of his head. "Are you talking to... me?" He shrugged his shoulders when he got no reply and turned back around to walk right into a body. He let out a startled yelp and jumped back from the grinning Artemis.

"Yes I _was_ talking to you. Can I just tell you, that you was really great back there, man. Those guards, man they thought they was all of that! Then you showed up and, bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. See that, that really made me feel good to see that," He rattled on, unaware of Goku's wide eyes.

The taller saiya-jin had never met anyone that could talk so fast or so much before. He nodded somewhat uncertainly. "Oh, that's great," He remarked, annoyed when Artemis spoke up again.

"It's good to be free," He sighed happily.

Goku turned and rested a hand on the cat's head. "Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?" He hinted, hopping the white cat would get the idea and go away.

Artemis looked thoughtful for a moment as Goku walked on. "But, uh, I don't have any friends, and I am not going out there by myself!" He grinned and ran after Goku. "Hey, wait a minute, I got a great idea! I'll stick with you! You're a mean, lean, fighting machine. Together, we'll scare the spit outta everybody that crosses us." He smiled at Goku, even though the taller saiya-jin was clearly unimpressed.

Goku turned to Artemis suddenly, and roared in his face as loud and as menacingly as he could. Artemis stared at him with his mouth hanging open, his eyes bugged and his head tilted back for a few, quiet moments. Then he grinned again.

"Oh _wow_! That was _really _scary! And if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work your breath certainly will get the job done. 'Cause you definitely need some tic-tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks!" He made a face and then ran to catch up with his new pal, jumping up onto a tree and hanging over the edge so he was face to face with the annoyed saiya-jin.

"Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose. Just like the time--mmff umph mnnff." He continued to talk as Goku covered his mouth with his hand, desperate to shut him up. When he saw that wasn't going to happen, he sighed and removed his hand. Artemis was still going. "..and then I ate some rotten berries, man I had some strong gases eking outta my butt that day." He grinned at his companions vexed expression.

Goku raised his voice a bit. "Why are you following me?!" He cried as he pushed past the smiling cat. Artemis hopped off his branch and trotted after him.

"Oh, I'll tell you why." He jumped in front of Goku and blocked him, posing as he began to sing. "Cause I'm all alone, there's nobody here beside me! My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me!" He grinned again and started to dance." But ya gotta have friends--!"

Goku let out a short cry of anger and picked Artemis up by his neck, lifted him up to his face and snarled at him. "Stop singing!"

He dropped the large eyed feline off to the side and shook his head at him. "Well it's no wonder ya don't have any friends!" He exclaimed.

Artemis flashed him that impish grin again. "Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest," He replied.

Goku moaned in dismay. He tried once more to make the smaller cat understand. "Listen, little fella, take a look at me! What am I?" He waited, as Artemis looked him up and down.

"Uh, really tall?" He tried, scratching the back of his head and grinning once more.

Goku growled at him. "No! I'm a level four super saiya-jin! You know, 'Grab your torch and pitchforks!' Doesn't that bother you?" He asked.

Artemis shook his head. "Nope."

Goku was taken a back by this and blinked a few times before responding. "Really?" Artemis continued to grin.

"Really, really."

"Oh...," Goku shrugged, and turned to walk away

The white feline smirked at him. "Man, I like you, what's your name?"

Goku stared at him for a moment, then offhandedly spoke as he continued to walk on. "Goku."

Artemis made a face. "Goku?" He shook his head at the strange name and ran after his new friend. "Well, you know what I like about you, Goku? You got that, 'I don't care what nobody thinks of me' thing. I like that, I respect that. You're all right." He turned his attention to a large, run down looking house near a lonely swamp. "Woo, look at that! Who would want to live in a place like that!?" He exclaimed.

Goku gave him a meaningful look. "_That_ would be my home," He said as he walked down the hill.

Artemis blushed as he followed behind Goku; he had to say something to make up for his rude outburst. "Oh and it is _lovely_! Beautiful! You know, you are quite the decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget! I like that boulder, that is a nice boulder." His grin faded as he passed by some very unfriendly looking 'keep out' signs.

"I uh, guess you don't entertain much, do you?" He asked.

Goku cast a glance over his shoulder at him. "I like my privacy," He commented.

Artemis grinned again. "You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face, and you're trying to give 'em a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big, awkward silence, you know?" He could feel the sweat drip down his neck as Goku gave him another meaningful look, feeling that very same awkward silence; he tried to change the subject quickly with a direct question.

"Can I stay with you?"

Goku stuttered in surprise. "Wha..what?!" He raised an eyebrow as Artemis repeated himself.

"Can I stay with you? Please?"

Goku smiled warmly at the white cat. "Of course!" He said.

Artemis blinked a little. "Really?" He asked hopefully.

Goku frowned at him. "No."

There was a sudden flash of white hair and Artemis had Goku pinned to the front door. "Please!" He begged. "I don't want to go back out there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak!"

He paused and looked over Goku's Pink, hairy body, then continued. "Well, maybe... you _do_, but that's why we have to stick together! You gotta let me stay, please! Please!!" He cried.

Goku couldn't take anymore. "OK! O.k., but _one _night only!"

He pushed Artemis off and opened his door, letting out a yelp as the cat rushed past him with a cry of, "Oh, thank you! Oh, this is gonna be fun!"

Goku stared at him as he jumped onto the reclining chair. "What are you---no, no!" He cried.

Artemis just went on talking, as usual. "We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!" He nodded proudly as the saiya-jin growled. At Goku's' silence, he turned his head and looked around.

"Where do, uh, _I_ sleep?" He asked.

Goku glared at him and pointed a finger out the door. "Outside!"

Artemis tried not to show his hurt feelings in his voice. "Oh, uh, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess, outside is best...." He slid off the chair and trudged past Goku. "Here I go. Goodnight," He sniffled, as the door was slammed shut behind him.

Goku sighed and finally relaxed in his moment of peace and quiet, then Artemis voice echoed in through the door. " I mean, I do like the outdoors -- I'm a cat, I was born outside."

Goku threw his hands up in defeat and walked away from the door as Artemis continued to ramble on. "Just by myself, outside I guess..." He then started to sing in a sad voice. "I'm all alone, there's nobody here beside me..."

The hairy, pink saiya-jin sat down at his table to eat. He was only a little sorry for putting Artemis outside, but after all, it wasn't as though the feline was living with him. He shrugged off the feeling and began to eat, unaware of the lonely eyes looking in at him from the window.

Artemis sighed and stepped over to the porch, where he sat down and tried to go to sleep. Goku was about to take another bite of his dinner when he heard a rustling sound. He set his spoon down and stood up, glaring at the window. "I thought I told you to stay outside," He growled as Artemis poked his head up and cried defensively.

"I _am_ outside!"

Goku was more than a little confused now. He turned around and saw two little Digimon on his table, picking at his dinner. He snarled as he grabbed them by their tails and lifted them up to his face. "What are you doing in my house?!" He dropped the creatures as something slammed into his back. When he turned to look down, the sight of a beautiful, dark-blue haired woman, inside a glass coffin met him. He raised his eyes to see several yellow Punchus grinning at him.

"Oh, no, no, dead broad _off _the table!" He started to push her off when one of them yelled exasperatedly.

"Well, where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken!"

Goku looked up in alarm. "Huh!?" He marched over to his room and threw open the door.

Gene Starwind rested on the bed and glanced up at him with a wry smile. "What?" He asked.

Goku snarled and dragged the outlaw to the front door by the scruff of his neck.

"I _live _in a swamp, I put up signs! I'm a terrifying, level four saiya-jin. What do I have to do to get a little privacy?!" He ranted as he chucked the outlaw out of his house, but his eyes widened in sheer horror as he beheld his once calm, quiet swamp.

It was now over-flowing with anime characters of all shapes, sizes, and levels.

"Oh no, no, no! What are you all doing in my swamp!?" He bellowed. There was a sudden gasp and everyone fell quiet in stunned fear. Goku tried to chase some of them off, but they ran into his house and shut the door. "No, no, not there!" He sighed in defeat.

Artemis took a step back at the force of the glare Goku leveled at him. "Hey, don't look at me! I didn't invite them!" he protested.

A familiar pigtailed red-haired girl stepped forward to explain. "Well, gosh, no one invited us," She said snidely.

Goku turned his glare onto the girl. "What?!"

Nicholas D. Wolfwood tried to explain a bit clearer than his friend had. "We were _forced _to come here," He said sadly.

Goku raised his eyebrows. "By who!?" He asked to pressed on.

"Lord Darien... he threw roses and he made boring speeches, and then signed an eviction notice," He mumbled.

Goku took a deep breath.

"All right, who knows where this Darien guy is?" He asked. Artemis waved his paws in the air.

"Oh, I do! I know where he lives!" He cried excitedly.

Goku pretended to ignore him. "Does anyone _else _know where he lives?"

Artemis tried again, waving both arms this time. "Me! Me!"

Goku cringed and tried once more. "Anyone?" He searched the crowd in vain as Artemis started to jump up and down.

"Oh, oh, pick me! Oh, I know! Pick me!"

Finally, Goku gave up and sighed. "Ok, fine. Attention all... Anime Characters. Do NOT get comfortable. Your welcome here has officially worn out...in fact, I'm going to go see this guy Darien right now, and get you all off my land, and back to where you came from," He announced to the stunned crowd.

The swamp was suddenly filled with cheering voices as Goku turned to Artemis. "You, you're coming with me." He marched off as the crowd parted for him.

They kept cheering while Goku and Artemis walked on. Artemis grinned happily. "All right, that's what I like to hear! Goku and Artemis, two stalwart friends on a whirlwind, big city adventure! I love it!" He

cleared his throat and began to sing. "On the road again-- sing it with me Goku!-- I can't wait to get on the road again..!"

Goku glared at him.

"What did I tell you about _singing_?" He growled. Artemis smiled sheepishly.

"Well, can I whistle?" Goku felt his eye twitch as he kept walking.

"No."

Artemis was unperturbed. "Well, can I hum it?"

He smiled as he heard Goku sigh. "All right, fine, hum it."

The humming of 'On the Road Again' echoed through the night as Goku and Artemis set out to meet

Lord Darien.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. Chapter 3

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CHAPTER THREE

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A tall figure in a flowing robe walked purposefully down a lavishly decorated hall. His cold, blue eyes glared out at the world with an air of arrogance and self-love beyond the normal considered amount. He had a face a woman would want on a man, and he wore a dark suit of armor. He may have looked like someone who was weak and easy to mess around with, but of course, no one dared to do that, for his temper was not one to be reckoned with. He made the meanest of the humans look like a harmless babe.

His cruel eyes lit up with a flash of enjoyment as he approached the doors of his destination; the castle's torture room. Inside the dimly lit, dismal room hung a tiny, pale white man. His eyes were squeezed shut as he twisted and writhed from his chained position, dangling upside down from the ceiling. His tormenter was a tall man with a large afro and goatee, with plenty of muscle but little brain. His current method of torture on his victim was tickling. The captive's high-pitched laughter rang out through the dark room as Lord Darien entered, his lips curved into a sneer as he held up one of his hands.

"That's enough, he's ready to talk."

The shrill laughter echoed through the room as Satan lowered the little warrior onto a table. The boy's eyes seethed with hatred as Darien mockingly tugged on his restraints. "Fight, fight, fight as hard as you can, you can't beat me, I'm the Z-Fighter Chaotzu!" Darien teased.

Chaotzu shook his head at the man. "You're a monster," He said in a strained, high-pitched voice.

Darien glared at him. "I'm not the monster here, you are. You and the rest of that Anime trash spoiling my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others!?" He yelled as he grabbed onto Chaotzu's shoulders and shook him violently.

Chaotzu wasn't frightened in the slightest; in fact, he was amused. He smirked at the Lord right before spitting on his face.

"Bite me!" He cried triumphantly.

Darien growled as he wiped the offensive liquid from his face. He walked around the table and picked up a small knife. "I've tried to be fair to you creatures, now my patience is at an end! Tell me! Or I'll...," He trailed off menacingly as he placed the blade edge to the end of Chaotzu's single hair.

The little warrior's face twisted with fear and anger.

"Not the hair! Not my little hair!" He cried.

Darien smirked to himself and set the knife down. "All right then, who's hiding them!?" He bellowed.

Chaotzu looked away and spoke in a defeated, shameful tone. "Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know.. the P-chan man?" He asked.

Lord Darien looked perplexed for a moment. "The P-chan man?" He mused.

Chaotzu nodded his head. "The P-chan man," He repeated.

Darien thought hard about all the people under his rule, he faintly recalled a boy who was known for getting himself lost easily. "Yes, I know the P-chan man. The one who lives on Dreary Lane?" He asked hopefully.

Chaotzu could barely keep from grinning as he continued to lead the Lord on his wild goose chase.

"Well, she's... married to... the P-chan man." He said softly, closing his eyes in utter shame.

Darien looked aghast. "The P-chan man ?!" He cried.

Chaotzu shouted out hysterically. "The P-chan man!"

Lord Darien put a finger to his chin in thought. "She's married to the P-chan man." He mused unaware of Chaotzu's' half-contained giggles.

Just then there was a bright light in the room, as the door at the head of the stairs opened and Captain Juunanagou entered inside. He politely bowed his head to Darien.

"My Lord, we've found it," He said. Darien smiled approvingly.

"Well, then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in!" He cried.

The following guards huffed as they lifted a heavy, round object onto the wall and hung it in place on a sturdy hook. A drab, yellowed canvas was pulled back to reveal the polished surface of dark glass, the black glass that was the magic mirror of legend. A quiet gasp escaped the lips of all in the room as a wild haired head with steely eyes formed in the smooth glass. Lord Darien smiled at the trapped face.

"Magic mirror Yamcha..," He began ominously.

"Don't tell him anything!" Chaotzu cried out.

He yelped as Darien threw him into a cage at the end of the room. The dark-haired Lord smiled at the mirror again.

"Evening," He greeted his new captive with a false joviality, then turned more serious. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, is this not the most _perfect_ Kingdom of them all?" He asked smugly.

The mirror paused for a moment before solemnly replying. "Well, technically, you're not a King..." He had to be honest after all.

Lord Darien narrowed his eyes dangerously at the face in the glass. "Ah, Satan..?" He commanded.

His dim-witted servant held up a small hand mirror and thrust his fist through the pane, shattering the glass. Darien smirked at the panicking mirror.

"You were saying?" He drawled out. The mirror stuttered back at him.

"Uh, what I mean is, uh, you're not a King _yet_... but, but you _can _become one. All you have to do is marry a princess," He blurted out.

The Lord seemed interested. "Go on," He ordered. The mirror let out a nervous laugh.

"So, just sit back and relax, my Lord, because it's time for _you _to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And heeere they are!"

The mirror took on a game show host''s attitude as he described the first silhouetted figure. "Bachelorette number one is a blue haired girl who has a high IQ... Her hobbies include studying and swimming. Here's Princess Ami!" As the mirror revealed Princess Ami, Lord Darien was more than a little put off by her smart looking face.

The mirror continued on. "Bachelorette number two is a high school girl with golden hair that resembles meatballs. Though she acts childish, she's not easy. Just get past her child-like personally and see what a live wire she really is. Come on; give it up for... Princess Usagi!" Darien had to smile at the lovely blonde-haired woman that graced the glass before him. There was still one more to go, though.

"And last, but not least, Bachelorette number three is a raven haired princess, locked away in a lava surrounded castle and guarded by the fire breathing monster Luna. But don't let that cool you down.. she's a loaded pistol who likes piná coladas and getting caught in the rain. Here's Princess Rei!" The mirror showed Darien a young woman with sharp, violet eyes, long black hair, and a pretty face.

The mirror's face then smiled out at the Lord. "So, will it be Bachelorette number one, Bachelorette number two, or Bachelorette number three?" He asked. Darien tried to think carefully about the choice, this would be his wife until death after all.

"Oh, oh three? One.., no two. No, no, three? Umm...."

He desperately tried to think as his captain and his guards threw out their opinions on which one he should pick. Finally, Satan called out to him.

"Three, pick number three, my Lord!" He waved two fingers in the air and then stopped to look at them as Darien made his choice.

"Ok, all right! Ok, uhh number three!" He cried.

The mirror smiled a toothy grin at her. "Lord Darien, you've chosen.... Princess Rei."

He moved aside to show the picture of the princess to Darien once more. The Lord was quite taken with her dashing good looks and her wistful, if somewhat depressed expression.

"Princess Rei... she's perfect." He sighed.

The mirror suddenly remembered an important fact about the princess. "But I probably _should _mention the little thing that happens at night--," He said, but the Lord wasn't paying him any attention.

"All I have to do is find someone to go get her...," He trailed off with a small smile on his lips. The mirror tried once more.

"Yes, but after sunset--"

His words were cut off by the Lord's hand. "Silence! I'll do it!" Darien commanded as he smirked to himself. "I will make this Princess Rei my queen, and A-kon will finally have.. the perfect King! Captain!" He shouted, facing his subordinate as Juunanagou and the rest of the king's entourage stood to attention. "Assemble your finest men. We're going to have... a tournament!" He cried.


	4. Chapter 4

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CHAPTER FOUR

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Goku and Artemis finally made their way out of the tall grass surrounding the city of A-kon. The tall saiya-jin tilted his head to the side as he looked up at the looming fortress.

Artemis grinned in a triumphant manner. "Oh, that's it. That's A-kon, I told you I'd find it!" He crowed.

Goku scratched his chin as he stared at the twin towers of the fortress. They were unusually big and tall; they almost reminded him of a certain part of male body. "So, that must be Lord Darien's castle," He commented off-handedly.

Artemis nodded his head. "Yeah that's the place."

Goku smirked down at his companion. "Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?" He chuckled to himself as he strode forward, ignoring Artemis's confused look.

Artemis blinked for a moment before he realized that Goku had moved on. "Hey, wait! Wait up, Goku!" He cried as he ran to catch up.

The two travelers approached a villager standing in front of what looked like some kind of ticket booth. The human was dressed in an absurd looking costume that was probably an image of Lord Darien, but if that was truly the case then the man lacked much in the looks department. Goku raised his hand and smiled his best at the human. "Hey, you!" He called.

The poor villager let out the most horrified shriek Goku had ever heard, and went running through the short maze of ropes towards the ticket booth. Goku watched him run and tried to get him to stop by talking to him. "Wait a second..! Look, I'm not going to eat you! I just, well I just--" He sighed in defeat and walked straight through the rope guides, knocking them all down to the ground.

Artemis stifled a laugh as he followed his taller friend, and they both stopped and shook their heads at the costumed human who, in his hurry, had run straight into the ticket bar and knocked himself out cold. Artemis and Goku sidestepped the fallen human and walked through the turn-stall and into a very clean and very empty town square.

Goku glanced around at the empty houses, vacant shops, and silent alleys.

"It's quiet... too quiet. Where is everybody?" He exclaimed in bewilderment.

Artemis looked around and spotted a small booth that read "Information," on a large sign. "Hey look at this!" He yelled as he ran over and pulled the lever. A strange ticking sound, like that of a bomb emitted from within the booth. Artemis showed his bravery by jumping behind Goku and peeking around his elbow at the small structure. Goku was about to shove him away when the ticking stopped, and the doors opened to reveal a miniature scene and tiny, mechanical puppets. Artemis grinned and stepped out from behind Goku as the little people began to sing.

"Welcome to A-kon, such a per-fect town, here we have some rules, let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line, and we'll get a-long fine, A-kon is a perfect plaace! Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your---face. A-kon is, A-kon is, A-kon is a peer-feect plaaaace!"

The tiny people ended their song on an annoyingly high note, and the doors to the little show shut with a bang and a flash. The flash was actually a welcome picture that popped out of the bottom of the booth. Goku stared at the structure in mute disgust, while Artemis just stared. The smaller feline suddenly snapped out of his trance and grinned at Goku

"Wooooow. Let's do that _again_!" He immediately rushed towards the booth again, stopping only when he was yanked back by his tail. Goku glared down at the perky cat.

"No, no! No, no, no," He frowned, as Artemis didn't seem to be listening. He leaned in till he was right in the cat's face and whispered. "No."

Artemis practically pranced down the pathway as he hummed the catchy theme song that the information booth had sung. Goku could feel the fur on his tail puffing out with his annoyance... Artemis had been humming that damned song non-stop since he had heard it! Goku whipped around and grabbed the feline by the back of his neck.

"All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom," He warned tensely.

Artemis felt his face heat up with a blush. He lowered his eyes and mumbled. "Sorry 'bout that."

Goku released him, and they entered into a large courtyard where it seemed that Lord Darien was giving some sort of speech to a cheering crowd and several dismal looking knights.

The Lord was right in the middle of his announcement. "That champion shall have the honor-- no, no, the _privilege_, to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Rei from the fiery keep of the monster. If, for any reason, the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner up shall take his place... and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice.. I am willing to make. Let the tournament begin!"

Lord Darien threw his fist into the air as the crowd cheered wildly. He lowered his eyes to his gathered knights and noticed a strange, hairy, pink creature standing in the midst of his warriors.

"What is that? It's hideous!" He cried. The crowd gasped as Goku and Artemis looked around, now at the center of everyone's attention.

Goku shook his head. "Well, that's not very nice," He chided, as Artemis nodded at his friends' remark. "It's just Artemis," Goku continued.

The white feline blinked unintelligently. "Huh?"

Darien sneered down at the monkey. "Indeed... Knights! New plan---The one that kills the Saiya-jin will be named champion. Have at them!" He bellowed.

Artemis and Goku backed up as the knights turned towards them and drew their weapons. The taller saiya-jin backed into a table and picked up a small cup of ale.

"Oh come on now, can't we just settle this over a pint?" He asked as he smiled at the unimpressed knights.

"No? All right then." He guzzled the drink down and slammed the cup over the nozzle on the giant ale keg, showering the knights with the force of the erupting liquid. "Come on!" He yelled as he slid out over the muddy ground. He knocked several knights over as he slid past them and snatched up a spear.

Artemis had climbed up onto the empty keg and was perched on the rounded top. He was trying to stay out of the way, but as his luck would have it, the barrel began to shift and roll under him. He gulped as he looked over the edge at the two unlucky humans below. The men didn't have time to yell as Artemis unintentionally ran them over with his runaway barrel. The white feline shrugged his shoulders at Goku as he rolled past him, mowing down another seven knights in the process. He was just beginning to enjoy his ride when it came to an abrupt halt, as he smashed the barrel into a wall. He stood up and shook the stars from his head, looking up in time to catch the end of Goku's fight.

The saiya-jin was having a one on ten wrestling match, and he was kicking some serious ass. Artemis cheered his buddy from the sidelines and smirked as the crowd began to cheer with him. Goku threw the last knight out of the ring and lifted his hands up into the air, egging the crowd on.

"Oh yeah! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal!" he snickered at the ecstatic humans.

But the crowd suddenly went deathly silent, as hundreds of crossbows were suddenly aimed at Goku and Artemis.

Juunanagou leaned over and whispered to Darien. "Shall I give the order, sir?" He raised an eyebrow as his lord waved his hand at him.

"No, I have a better idea." He smiled wickedly for a moment then turned towards the crowd. "People of A-kon, I give you, our _champion_!" He cried at the cheering crowd.

Goku looked more than confused. "What?" He asked, and Artemis lifted an eyebrow quizzically.

Lord Darien smirked at his unlucky monkey. "Congratulations, Saiya-jin, you have won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest."

He would have continued, but Goku yelled out in indignation.

"Quest? I'm all ready on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back!" He growled.

Darien put his offense to the side for a moment as he regarded the hairy beast. "_Your _swamp?" He asked coolly.

Goku was more than angry as he pointed his finger up at the pompous man. "Yes, _my _swamp! Where you dumped those anime characters!" He roared.

Darien smirked once more as a plan formed in his mind. "Indeed... All right saiya-jin, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I will give you your swamp back," He smiled, as Goku seemed to be thinking it over.

"Exactly the way it was?" Goku tilted his head as he questioned the man; he didn't trust him very much.

Darien rolled his eyes. "Down to the last slime covered toadstool," He elaborated.

Goku narrowed his eyes at him. "And the squatters?" He pushed.

"As good as gone," Darien retorted.

Goku glanced at the hundreds of arrows. Even if he made a run for it, he wouldn't get very far. "What kind of quest?" He asked.

Artemis tripped over a sunflower stem but kept himself upright, as he walked along behind Goku through the tall fields they were now trudging through.

"Ok, let me get this straight: You're gonna go fight a monster, and rescue a princess, just so Darien will give you back your swamp, which you only don't have cause he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?" He summarized.

Goku sighed. "You know what? Maybe there's a reason giant cats shouldn't talk." He silently hoped Artemis would get his hint.

That obviously didn't happen. "I don't get it, Goku. Why didn't you just pull some of that level four stuff on him? You know, lay siege to his fortress, throttle him, and grind his bones to make your bread. You know, the whole level four trip," He rattled.

Goku stopped walking and glared at his companion. "Oh, you know what, maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a plate, get a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?" He asked his now slightly green friend.

Artemis timidly shook his head. "Ah, no, not really, no," He muttered.

Goku sighed again. "For your information, there's a lot more to level four saiya-jins than people think." He shook his head and continued walking, chewing on an onion he had plucked out of the field.

Artemis trotted alongside him. "Example?" he asked. Goku glanced down at him.

"Example? Ok... Uh, level fours are... like onions," He exclaimed while lowering the onion to Artemis.

The cat sniffed it and made a face. "They stink?" he asked.

Goku smiled. "Yes--No!" He glared at him suddenly for making him trip up his speech.

Artemis smiled as a new idea struck him. "Oh, they make you cry," He said.

Goku felt his eye twitch with irritation. "No!" he yelled.

Artemis thought for a second. "Ooh, you leave 'em out in the sun and they get all brown, and start sproutin' little white heads," He was way off track now.

Goku ripped part of the onion off and shook it in his companions' face. "No! _Layers_! Onions have layers! Level fours have layers! Onions have layers... level four saiya-jins have layers. You get it? We both have layers!" He yelled in exasperation.

He threw the onion down and stomped on ahead. Artemis thought about what his friend had said. "Oh, you both have _layers_," he repeated unsurely. He leaned down and sniffed the onion, then made a face. "You know, not everybody likes onions," he said, looking thoughtful, and then it came to him. "Cake! Everybody loves cake! Cakes have layers!" He cried happily as he ran towards his lumbering buddy.

Goku turned towards him with a look of annoyance on his face. "I don't care what everyone likes! Level four saiya-jins are _not _like cakes," He said, and sighed as Artemis just continued on.

"You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits," Artemis rambled. "Have you ever met a person and you say, 'hey let's go get some parfaits,' and they say 'hell no, I don't like no parfaits.' Parfaits is delicious!"

He just went on and on... it was enough to drive a person insane. At least, that's how Goku was feeling at the moment. He snarled at the chatterbox. "No! You dense, irritating, blabbering hairball! Level four saiya-jins are like onions, end of story! Bye-bye... See you later." He sneered down at the surprised feline and then kept walking.

Artemis blinked for a brief moment, then closed his open mouth and ran after Goku. "Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet," He continued.

Goku could have pulled his ears out. It was impossible; the idiot just wouldn't shut up. The taller saiya-jin glowered at his chattering companion. "You know, I think I preferred your humming," He growled.

Artemis either didn't hear him, or didn't care about his comment. "You have a tissue or something? 'Cause I'm making a mess... Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering," He said with a sniffle. Obviously the conversation had made him more than a little wistful for a parfait.

Goku wished he could gag Artemis. He just knew this journey wouldn't be over soon enough.


	5. Chapter 5

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CHAPTER FIVE

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Goku and Artemis had traveled for about two days, when they finally reached a small gathering of tall, ominous looking mountains covered by angry, billowing black clouds. The two travelers made their way through a steep, twisting pathway up the mountains, which undoubtedly surrounded the castle where Princess Rei was being held. The air was thick with the smell of smoke and fire, and something else that was less than pleasant to the nose.

Goku led the way up the path as a nervous Artemis crept along behind him. Artemis then suddenly reeled back from Goku and waved his paw in front of his face. "Woo, Goku did you do that? Man, you got to warn someone before you just crack one off," He yelled while making a disgusted face. "My mouth was open and everything!" He gagged out.

Goku rolled his eyes. "Believe me Artemis, if it were _me_, you'd be dead." He paused to sniff the air. "It's brimstone. We must be getting close.." Goku's voice was quiet as he began to climb up the side of the rocky mountain.

Artemis snorted and mumbled to himself. "Yeah right, brimstone; don't be talking bout brimstone, I know what I smelled and it wasn't no brimstone. Didn't come off of no stone neither!" He gave Goku a doubting glance as he climbed up next to him

The two travelers peered over the mountain peak, at a dark castle set on a small pile of rock in the midst of a pool of lava. A rickety bridge stretched precariously from the castle to the side of the mountains where Goku and Artemis were. Artemis's tail drooped as he listened to Goku laugh lightly.

"Sure it's big enough, but look at the location!" Joked the bigger saiya-jin.

Artemis felt the sweat trickle down his face, and slowly backed up as he watched Goku head down to the bridge. He soon scrambled after his friend and nervously called out to him. "Uh, Goku, remember when you said that level four super -saiya-jins have layers?" He swallowed thickly as Goku glanced back at him.

"Oh, aye," Goku replied.

Artemis took that to mean 'yes' and continued. "Well... I have a confession to make--" He gasped and jumped away from a pile of bleached bones. "Cats don't have layers, we wear our fear right out there on our sleeves," He squeaked out.

Goku smirked at his companion. "Wait a second, cats don't have sleeves," He said with a grin.

Artemis frowned at him. "Oh, you know what I mean!" he growled out.

Goku raised an eyebrow at his feline companion. "You can't tell me you're afraid of heights," He said in disbelief.

Artemis felt the sweat level on his skin increase tenfold as he peeked over the edge of the rocks. "No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety old bridge over a boiling lake of lava!" He eyed the bridge with mistrust and then paled as he gazed into the swirling depths of liquid flame below.

Goku smiled at the quaking cat. "Come on, Artemis, I'm right here beside you, for... emotional support. We'll tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time," He spoke reassuringly to Artemis, but the white cat didn't move till Goku slapped his rear lightly. Artemis jumped from the smack and ended up on the bridge. He felt like he would faint any second, but he glanced over his shoulder at Goku and took a breath.

"Really?" He asked.

Goku smiled at him. "Really really," He assured him.

Artemis took another breath and stepped forward slowly. "Oh, that makes me feel so much better," He said. Talking always helped him through any situation.

A snort was heard from behind Artemis as Goku tried not to laugh at his fearful companion. "Just keep moving, and don't look down." He instructed.

Artemis marched steadily, if slowly, across the decayed planks. "Keep moving, don't look down. Keep moving, don't look down." He repeated under his breath. His foot landed on a weakened board that gave under his weight. Artemis was suddenly looking straight into the red-hot lava. He let out a gasp as his eyes widened.

"Goku! I'm looking down!" He screamed hysterically as he leapt around and gave Goku a terrified look. "Ah, God I can't do this! Just let me off right now, please!" He cried.

Goku tried to reason with him. "But you're already half-way," He said.

Artemis pointed his paw past Goku. "Yeah but I know that half is safe!" He retorted.

Goku rolled his eyes. "Ok, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back," He said calmly.

Artemis tried to get around him, but every time Goku stepped to the side, Artemis stepped to the same side... there really wasn't enough room for them to get past each other side-by-side. "Goku, no wait. No, no Goku! Wait!" Artemis yelled.

Goku was making the bridge bounce and sway as he tried to move, and it was only freaking the poor feline out more. Goku grinned wickedly at Artemis.

"Come on, Artemis.. Oh, let's have a dance then shall we? Artemis, come on!" He yelled and gave the bridge a vicious swing to the left. Artemis's tail puffed out for all it was worth.

"Noo! Goku don't do that!" He shrieked. Goku gave him a somewhat concerned look.

"Oh, I'm sorry, do what? Oh, this?" He swung the bridge again, this time to the right.

Artemis glared at him, as the bridge became steady again. "Yes, that!" He snarled.

Goku smiled evilly. "Yes, do it. Ok." He smirked and violently swung the old bridge from side to side.

Artemis covered his face with his paws and sobbed to himself. "No! Goku! Oh God, I'm gonna die!" He suddenly felt his feet step onto something firm and unmoving. Artemis peeked through his paws and found that he was on solid rock, on the other side of the bridge! He had made it! "Oh!" He said in relief as Goku bent down to look him in the eyes.

Goku smirked while patting Artemis's pale cheek. "That'll do, Artemis, that'll do."

He strode towards the castle, leaving Artemis to stare after him in a slightly dazed manner. Artemis let out a small laugh. "Cool." He shook himself out of his shocked state and ran after his friend. "So where is this fire-breathing pain in the neck anyway?" He asked.

Goku waved a hand at the castle. "Inside, waiting for us to rescue her," He replied, laughing mockingly.

Artemis frowned. "I was talking about the Dragon, Goku."

Artemis crept next to Goku as they walked through the crumbling castle. Stray bones and burnt armor littered the stony ground.

"You afraid?" Artemis asked in a hushed voice.

Goku made an annoyed face and turned to the chatterbox. "No, but shh!" He ordered.

Artemis puffed out his chest. "Oh good, me neither!" He glanced about and realized that Goku had left him alone. "Ah!" He nearly collided with Goku as he ran up behind him. "'Course, there's nothing wrong with being afraid. I think it's a sensible response given the situation. Unfamiliar, dangerous situation, I might add. And with the Dragon, who breathes fire--" He jumped away from the charred remains of a knight and kept talking. "...Who breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. You know what I mean? 'Cause I sure as hell ain't no coward, I know that," He ranted to himself and to Goku.

If Artemis had been paying attention instead of talking, he wouldn't have crashed into a pile of dead knights and smoked armor, an old helmet toppling onto his head. Artemis screamed again as he came face to face with a toothy skull.

Goku clapped his hand over Artemis's mouth. "Artemis! Two things, ok? Shut. Up." He let go of the frightened feline and pulled the helmet off the cat's head, placing it on his own as he waved Artemis away. "Now, go over there and see if you can find some stairs," He directed while putting more of the armor over his body.

Artemis looked confused. "Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess?" He questioned.

Goku tugged a glove over his right hand. "The princess will be up the stairs, in the highest room, in the tallest tower," He said, now pulling on the left glove.

Artemis gave him a quizzical look. "What makes you think she'll be there?" He asked.

Goku turned towards the inner courtyard. "I read it in a book once," He called back.

A grin spread over Artemis's face. "Well, cool. You handle the Dragon, I'll handle the stairs." He was suddenly filled with confidence as he marched deeper into the castle. "Oh, I'll find those stairs, I'll whip they butt too! That's right, those stairs won't know which way they going! Take drastic steps. Kick 'em to the curb. Don't mess with me, I'm the stair master! I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right here and now, I'd step all over it!" He boasted aloud, trouncing into a large room.

If he had not been posing and crowing about taking over stairs, he would have noticed the abnormally tall creature that was now watching him with interest. Artemis got an eerie feeling as though he was being watched, and he turned slowly to look behind him.

Goku stood in the inner courtyard of the castle and stared up at the central tower. High above everything else it loomed, and a tiny window shed light into the dark sky. "Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the-"

He was cut off by a scream from within the castle.

"Dragon!" Shrieked Artemis as he turned tail and bolted from the angry, large creature. He screamed wildly as he ran straight for Goku. A huge dragon that looked like she was almost 20 feet tall came crashing after him; its blonde hair moved in the wind, as it opened its mouth to shoot a stream of fire-like energy at Artemis's head.

Goku's eyes widened as the flames approached. "Artemis, look out!" He yelled, pushing the surprised and scared feline down. He yelped and jumped out of the way just in time to avoid the flames himself.

Artemis crouched down on his hands and knees. His tail stood straight up and unfortunately had got singed by the fiery blast. "Ahh!" He yelped in both fear and pain.

The dragon snarled angrily as she stepped towards the fallen Artemis. She was about to fry the cowering cat when a smirking Goku yanked on her long, tail. The dragon moved her tail quick and sent the shocked saiya-jin sailing high and far through the air. Goku yelled out as he finally crashed down through the roof of the tower and landed with a thud on the floor. A slim body sat up on a large bed and stared curiously at him.

The dragon was shooting flames after a fleeing Artemis, chasing him out onto the grounds. She was mildly amused by the smaller creature's comical way of escaping, which was running around with his paws waving over his head as he screamed his lungs out and had his tail puffed out like a cotton ball. The dragon walked up next to the freaked out feline as he ran across a narrow stone bridge. Artemis let out a gasp when his escape was literally kicked out from under him by the dragon's paw. He barely had enough time to jump onto another part of the bridge before it too was sent into the lava below, by one of Luna's massive swaps.

Artemis looked around himself in fear.... All his escape routes were gone; he was standing on a piece of bridge that was barely wide enough for his feet. To make matters worse, the dragon was now looming over him and snarling. Smoke curled out from her nostrils as she bared her sharp teeth. Artemis felt like fainting.

"Ah! Oh! Wah! No, no, oh no! Ah!" He cringed as the dragon snapped his teeth at him.

"Oh, what large teeth you have! I mean, I mean white, sparkling teeth! I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but, you must bleach or something, cause that is one dazzling smile you got there... and do I detect a hint of minty freshness?" Artemis chattered away in a frantic attempt to flatter his way out of death.

Surprisingly, Filia was no longer snapping and growling at him; instead, she was looking at him with a surprised, sly smile. She waved her long tail at Artemis as the nervous feline coughed. Artemis blinked down at the large tail with a pink ribbon tied around it. "You know what else? You're, you're... a _girl _dragon!" He gave Filia a cheesy grin. "Well, sure! I mean uh, of _course _you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just... reeking of female power and uh--"

Artemis tilted his head back as Filia leaned in, leering down at him and batting her blue eyes. Artemis felt sweat build up on the back of his neck. "What's a matter, you got something in your eyes?" He asked. Filia grinned and blew a smoke ring in the shape of a heart out of her mouth at Artemis.

The white feline felt his tail fuzz out as he watched the smoke heart travel towards him. "Hey, oh... whoa!" He groaned frightfully as he finally realized it. "Man, I'd really love to stay, but, uh, I'm an asthmatic and uh, I don't know if it would work....you gonna be blowing smoke rings and stuff," He rambled meekly, then turned his head and yelled out frantically. "Goku!"

Filia smirked to herself as she casually grabbed Artemis by the neck with her mouth. She sauntered into the castle with him clutched gently between her teeth.

"No, Goku! Goku! Ahh!" Artemis cried in vain as he was carried away into the dark castle.

Goku slowly stood up from the rubble on the tower floor and brushed the dirt and debris off his chest. He didn't notice the princess, who was grinning like a mad man at him. Rei flopped back onto the bed quickly before he had a chance to notice her. Then, on a second's thought, she reached over and snatched some flowers out of the vase on the nightstand close to her, and lay back down with the bouquet clutched to her chest, closing her eyes as if asleep. She was so excited she could barely keep still. Her rescuer had finally come! She was perfectly still as Goku approached her small form and leaned down over her. Rei slowly puckered his lips in anticipation...this was it.

Goku put his hands on the slim, rounded shoulders and firmly shook the short princess, her head rolling back and forth. Rei felt her eyes swirl as she yelled out in shock. "Ah! What?" She gazed up in confusion at the large man above her.

"Wake up! Are you princess Rei?" Goku asked in a tired voice.

Rei smiled at him. "I am... Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me," She replied.

Goku smiled warmly at the princess. "Oh that's nice. Now let's go!" He yelled, and turned for the door.

Rei reached out to him and tried to change his mind. "But wait! Sir knight, this be our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, _romantic _moment?" She asked.

Goku raised an eyebrow at the princess, who was now lying on her bed in a very provocative position. One arm was slung over her forehead, curved hips pushed up into the air and feet pointed towards the end of the bed. Her come-hither stare was very unnerving to the saiya-jin. Goku walked back over to the bed and took hold of the princess's wrist.

"Yeah, sorry princess," He said flatly, while dragging the slight body off the bed.

Rei cried out indignantly as she was hauled over to the door. "Hey! What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window! Down a rope onto your valiant steed!" She huffed as Goku gave her a surprised look.

"You've had a lot of time to plan this out, haven't you?" he asked. Rei nodded and grinned at him.

Goku rammed his shoulder into the locked door, breaking it open. He then dragged Rei down the stairs. Rei tried to reason with his strange rescuer as she stumbled along behind him. "But we have to savor this moment! You could... recite a lovely poem for me! A ballad, a sonnet, a limerick... or, something!" She ended with a snarl and jerked her aching wrist from Goku's hand.

The saiya-jin shook his head at the annoyed princess. "I don't think so," He said.

Rei ran a hand through her long, raven hair. "Well, can I at _least _know the name of my champion?" She asked.

Goku shrugged at her. "Goku," He said.

Rei smoothed out her dress and lifted her chin. "Sir Goku," She pulled a blue handkerchief from her pocket and held it out to the bewildered knight. "I pray that you take this favor, as a token of my gratitude," She explained.

Goku reached out and took the cloth. "Uh, thanks," He replied, and used the gesture to wipe the sweat off his forehead. The visor on his helmet was making it terribly hot in there. He handed the sweat stained handkerchief back to the princess. Rei took the cloth and wrinkled her nose in disgust at it. Her comment was lost in the sound of Filia's roar.

Rei gaped at Goku. "You didn't slay Luna?!" She cried in shock and disbelief.

Goku grabbed her hand and began to run again. "It's on my 'to do' list, now, come on!"

Rei waved her free hand in the air as she chided the tall knight. "But, this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying....that's what all the other knights did!" She explained.

Goku glanced at a fallen knight, whose smoke-lined profile was stained against the burned wall. "Yeah, right before they burst into flames!" He retorted.

Rei frowned. "You know, that's not the point." She let out a grunt as Goku halted and let go of her hand. The knight then began to glance around as if he were looking for something. The sound of another roar made him head towards a closed door to the right.

Rei gaped at him. "What are you---where are you going? The exit's over there!" She shouted, pointing with her finger in the opposite direction.

Goku turned towards her and shrugged his shoulders. "I have to grab my puss," He said.

Rei flushed and glared at him. "What kind of knight _are_ you?" She snapped.

Goku lifted a finger at her and grinned. "One of a kind."

Artemis was surprised he hadn't passed out yet. Filia was even more frightening now then when she had been trying to roast him. At least then he wasn't pinned to the floor, and Filia wasn't being too careful with her claws either.

"Look, look, slow down baby, please... look, I believe it's healthy to get to know someone for a... long period off time. Just call me old-fashioned you know. I don't wanna, you know, rush into a, a physical relationship. I'm not ready for uh, a commitment of this, uh. magnitude... really is the word I'm looking for, magnitude."

Filia smirked at her prisoner and reached down to stroke his face with the back of her claw hand.

Artemis glared at her. "Hey, that is unwanted physical contact!" He yelled. He then watched Filia light the candles on a chandelier above them with her breath. He began to sweat again as the large feline bent down towards him again. "Hey, what are you doing? Ok, ok, listen! Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. I mean, we really should get to know each other first, you know, as friends, or maybe even pen pals! 'Cause I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards to read, and oh! You know I would really love to stay but-- "

Artemis trailed off as Filia reached down to squeeze his backside, he felt the large paws travel up his rear to his tail and give it a playful tug. Artemis gasped. "Hey, hey, hey! Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail, girl, you're gonna tear it off!" He growled as his tail was gently tugged on again. Unbeknownst to Artemis and Luna, Goku was sneaking above them and trying to figure out how to get Artemis away. He grabbed onto the chain that held the chandelier while Artemis blabbered nervously at Luna.

"I don't give permission to-hey! What are you gonna do with that? Hey now, no wait, wait, ah, ah no! No, no, no, no!" He yelled as Filia lifted him off the floor and leaned in to kiss him.

Artemis shut his eyes and pulled his head back. He let out a startled grunt as he was suddenly flung to the floor, and he hadn't been kissed. He opened his eyes to watch in shock as Filia kissed Goku instead of him. Filia opened her eyes and smiled down at--wait a second, this was not her Artemis! She roared in anger as Goku jumped out of her grasp and ran with Artemis up the stairs and towards the door, as Goku let go of the chain he had used to swing down and kick Artemis away with. When he did that, the chandelier fell from the ceiling and landed on Filia, fitting snugly around her neck. Filia barreled after her escaping Artemis; hissing, roaring and shooting fire as she went.

Goku snatched Artemis up under his arm and ran out of the room. He grabbed Rei as he passed by the confused princess.

Artemis peered out and waved at Rei. "Hi, princess!" He smiled at the blinking princess.

"It talks!" Rei said in astonishment at the talking cat.

Goku snorted. "Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick."

He slid down a fallen pillar and groaned as a cracked piece of the structure smacked against his groin. He managed to keep going though, leading Filia on a not so merry chase through the hundreds of pillars in the castle, the dragon's chain trailing behind the entire way. He finally stopped and set Rei and Artemis down, pushing them towards the exit.

"Ok you two, head for the exit! I'll take care of Luna." He picked up a sword as Rei and Artemis ran for the bridge. As soon as they were gone, Goku slammed the sword into the links of the chain that was strung all along the pillars of the room; it was the chain that connected to the chandelier stuck around Filia's neck. Goku dashed after the others and the three of them bolted over the bridge as Filia blew a blast of fire at them.

"Run!" Goku ordered.

The three of them dashed over the bridge, just a step ahead of the burning cloud. The bridge held out for a few seconds, but the flames and the weight of the bodies made it snap. Goku, Rei and Artemis clung to their half of the bridge as it fell through the air. Artemis lost his grip when the wooden bridge slammed into the mountainside. He screamed as he plummeted towards the lava, but Goku caught him by his tail as he passed him. Filia came charging out after them, and the chain snapped up and caught against the pillars in the castle; the sword acting like an anchor as it shortened the length of Filia's rope and pulling her to a harsh stop. The huge dragon howled desperately for Artemis as she was held back by the chain. Artemis had finally passed out, though, and couldn't hear her as Goku carried him up the bridge and over the mountaintop.

Rei slid down the hillside and onto the small cliff-edge. She grinned happily and spun in a quick circle. "You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing, you're wonderful, you're-"

She trailed off as Goku threw Artemis down the hill and then slid into him, knocking him out of his unconscious state and onto a rock. Rei rubbed the back of her head. "A little unorthodox, I'll admit, but, thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt." She bowed gracefully before Goku, completely unaware that Artemis was looking her perfectly rounded butt over with an admiring glance.

Artemis turned his head to the side and coughed. "Ahem."

He grinned as Rei turned and wrapped her arms around his neck. "And where would a brave knight be without his noble feline?" He asked as she hugged Artemis.

The white cat beamed at Goku. "Awww right, I hope you heard that! She called me a noble feline. She thinks I'm a noble feline!" He grinned stupidly as Goku rolled his eyes.

Rei stood up and stepped towards Goku. "The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good sir knight."

She frowned as Goku backed up. "Ah, no," He said nervously.

Rei was confused. "Why not?" She asked.

Goku pointed to the top of his helmet. "I.. have helmet hair," He said lamely.

Rei smiled at him. "Please, I wouldst look upon the face of my rescuer."

Goku waved a finger at her. "Oh no you wouldn't--ust," He said.

Rei lowered her gaze for a moment then shyly peered up at Goku. "But, how will you kiss me?" She asked.

Goku nearly tripped over a pile of rocks as he stumbled back into them. "What? That wasn't in the job description!" He glanced at Artemis for help.

The white cat grinned at him. "Maybe it's a perk!" He tried.

Rei waved her finger at them. "No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes! A princess, locked in a tower and beset by a monster is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share... true loves first kiss." She smiled at Goku, who looked more than nervous.

Artemis shook his head. "With Goku? Wait, whoa, hold on, you think Goku is your true love?" He asked.

Rei nodded. "Well, yes." She frowned as Artemis and Goku stared at each other, and they began to laugh. "What's so funny?" She demanded.

Artemis fell over and kicked his legs in the air as he laughed. "You think Goku is your true love!" He gasped out between giggles.

Goku chuckled and looked at the annoyed princess. "Let's just say, I'm not your type, ok?" He took a breath to calm his laughter.

Rei shook her head and stepped forward. "Of course you are. You're my rescuer. Now...now remove your helmet," She smiled as she spoke.

Goku waved his hands in front of her. "Look, I really don't think this is a good idea," He said.

Rei sighed. "Just take off the helmet," She said.

Goku crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not going to," He said stubbornly.

Rei glared at him. "Take it off," She ordered.

Goku turned his head to the side. "No!" He replied.

Rei looked enraged as she bellowed. "NOW!"

Goku and Artemis both looked shocked by the power in the small princess's voice. "Ok! Easy! As you command, your highness," Goku droned out while lifting his helmet from his face.

Rei's eyes widened as she took in the wild hair, the strange golden eyes, and the pinkish fur that lined the sides of his neck. She frowned sadly as Goku gave him his best smile.

"You...you're a, a saiya-jin," She said dismally.

Goku lifted an eyebrow at her. "Oh, you were expecting prince charming?" He asked the now annoyed Rei, as she put her hands on her hips and stared up at him

"Well, yes, actually. Oh no, this is all wrong! You're not supposed to be a saiya-jin!" She cried in dismay.

Goku sighed. "Princess Rei, I was _sent _to rescue you by Lord Darien. He's the one who wants to marry you," He explained.

Rei stared at him. "Then why didn't _he _come rescue me?" She asked.

Goku shrugged his shoulders. "Good question. You should ask him that when we get there," He replied.

Rei frowned. "But, I have to be rescued by my true love! Not by some saiya-jin and his.. pet!" She snapped.

Artemis glared at the prince. "Well, so much for noble feline," He muttered.

Goku sighed again. "Look, Princess, you're not making my job any easier."

He frowned as Rei walked over to a pile of large rocks, distancing herself from the other two.

"Well, I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Darien that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here!" She crossed her arms and sat down firmly on one of the rocks.

Goku growled as he threw the rest of the armor off and stomped over to the princess. "Hey! I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy," He growled right into the princess's face.

Rei sneered at him. "You wouldn't dare," She challenged.

The princess let out a yelp as Goku easily lifted her off the rock and threw her over his shoulder.

Goku called back to the surprised Artemis. "You coming, Artemis?" He asked.

Rei glared at him. "Put me down!" She commanded.

Artemis grinned and trotted along behind them. "Yup, I'm right behind you!" He replied.

Rei smacked the back of Goku's shoulders with her fists. "Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down!" She let out an angry shriek and kicked her legs in an attempt to get Goku in the face.

The tall saiya-jin pinned the princess's thighs against his chest and frowned at her screams of outrage. This was going to be a long trip back.


	6. Chapter 6

---------------------

CHAPTER SIX

--------------------

Rei sighed in a bored way as she listened to Artemis chatter away at her. Goku was still carrying her over his shoulder, and after yelling and fighting for several miles, the princess had eventually exhausted herself and settled down. She gazed down at Artemis through half-lidded eyes.

"Ok, so here's another question. Say there's a girl that digs you, right, but you don't really like her _that _way. How do you let her down real easy, so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten. How do you do that?" He asked. Artemis watched earnestly as Rei thought for a few seconds.

The princess waved her hand animatedly in the air as she spoke. "You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your--- whoa, ah! Hey!" She yelped as Goku's shoulder jerked, bouncing her roughly.

Rei glared silently at her smirking captor. She tossed her head into the air and remarked in a snide tone. "The sooner we get to A-kon the better."

Artemis grinned at the arrogant, annoyed princess. "Oh yeah, you gonna love it there, princess! It's beautiful!" He said cheerfully.

Rei grinned down at him and tilted her head to the side. "And what of my husband to be, Lord Darien, what's he like?" She asked eagerly.

Goku slowed his pace as they got to a small swamp. He cut in before Artemis could respond to Rei.

"Well, let me put it this way princess," He hid a smirk as he unceremoniously dropped Rei on her butt and walked over to the mire to wash up, splashing some water on his face and continuing. "Men of Darien's stature are in... _small _demand."

Artemis snickered at Goku's reference to the king's 'certain' part. He grinned and felt the need to add his own comment. "I don't know, Goku, there are those who think _little _of him." He and the taller saiya-jin chuckled merrily as Rei glared at them.

The princess was idly rubbing her rear as she listened to them berate her future husband. She scowled darkly. "Stop it, stop it both of you! You know, you're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great man like Lord Darien," She sneered.

Artemis made a confused face as he thought about this, but Goku just nodded to the princess. "Yeah well, maybe you're right princess, but I'll let you do the 'measuring', when you see him tomorrow," He said off-handedly as Artemis giggled.

Rei suddenly looked panicky. "Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop somewhere to make camp?" She asked in a nervous tone.

Goku raised an eyebrow at her. "No, that'll take longer. We can keep moving," He said calmly and started off again.

Rei glanced frantically at the setting sun. She tried again. "But, there's... robbers in the woods!" She was really fishing for a reason now.

Artemis was concerned at the thought of murderous robbers cutting his throat while he tramped through the dark woods. He grabbed onto Goku's arm and stared at him with wide eyes. "Whoa, time out Goku! Camping is definitely starting to sound good!" He stated.

Goku frowned at him. "Hey, come on! I'm scarier than anything we're gonna see in this forest," He reminded his smaller companion. Artemis was reassured now, but Rei was more upset than ever. She dashed around the trees and cut the two travelers off.

"I need to find a place to camp, NOW!" She roared at them.

Goku and Artemis looked into each other's wide shocked eyes and then down at the seething princess.

Goku had finally found a suitable looking cave for Rei to camp in. He pulled the rock away from the opening and yelled out to Artemis and the princess. "Hey, over here!"

Artemis narrowed his eyes at the small, dark, dismal cave. "Goku, we can do better than that! Now I don't think this is fit for a princess," He hissed.

Rei glanced at the setting sun and felt sweat building up on the back of her neck. "No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches," She babbled quickly.

Goku and Artemis gave her an odd look.

"Homey touches?" Goku repeated. He scratched his head and looked inside the cave. "Like what?" He asked.

Rei ran past them and ripped a large piece of bark from a tree. "A door," She said as she walked back to the cave. She smiled politely as she walked backwards into the cave and pulled the door firmly against the opening. "Well gentlemen, I bid thee goodnight," She said as the door locked into place.

Artemis leaned towards the door. "Uh, you want me to come in there and read you a bedtime story?" He asked hopefully.

Rei snarled back at him. "I said goodnight!"

Artemis sighed and stepped back. He glanced in confusion at a smirking Goku that was trying to push the boulder back over the cave entrance.

Artemis's eyes widened. "Goku! What are you doing?!" He hissed in shock.

Goku laughed softly. "I was just... oh you know, I was just kidding!" He huffed that Artemis didn't get the joke and walked away. Artemis shook his head.

Later that evening Goku and Artemis lay on their backs and stared up at the thousands of twinkling stars, the fire behind them popping and crackling in its pit.

Artemis turned his head and glanced over at his friend. "Hey Goku, what we gonna do when we get our swamp back?" He asked.

Goku gave him a quizzical look. "_Our _swamp?" He questioned.

Artemis waved his paws exaggeratingly like the princess would do. "You know, when we through with rescuing the princess and all that stuff," He explained.

Goku turned over to face his companion. "We? Artemis, there's no 'we', there's no 'our.' it's just me and my swamp. And the first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land," He said, ignoring the slightly hurt look Artemis was giving him.

The feline sighed. "Ya cut me deep, Goku, ya cut me real deep just now," He grinned a bit. "You know what I think, I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out." He leaned over and smiled down at Goku, who looked irritated.

"No, you think?" Goku said sarcastically as he rolled over.

Artemis popped his head in front of him again. "Are you hiding something?" He asked slyly.

Goku rolled back the other way. "Never mind, Artemis," He warned.

Artemis peeked at him and grinned. "Oh, this is another one of those onion things," He said.

Goku growled softly as he rolled over once more. "No, this is one of those 'drop it and leave it alone things'," He growled out.

Artemis looked him in the eyes. "Well why don't you want to talk about it?" He asked.

Goku sat up and glared at him. "Why do you_ want_ to talk about it?" He snapped.

Artemis countered with another question. "Well, why are you blocking?"

Goku replied defensively. "I'm not blocking."

Artemis raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh yes you are," He said matter-of-factly.

Goku snarled at the cat. "Artemis, I'm warning you..."

Artemis gave his friend a suspicious look. "Who you trying to keep out? Just tell me that, Goku, who?" He pressed.

Goku threw his hands into the air and yelled at the feline. "Everyone! Ok?" He glared at Artemis as the white cat blinked widened eyes and then grinned.

"Ooh, NOW we getting somewhere," He said.

Goku wanted to just disappear. "Oh, for the love of Pete!" He complained as he stomped over to the cliff edge and sat down.

Rei heard the commotion outside, and carefully cracked open the door to the cave. She leaned over just enough to see Goku and Artemis, listening quietly.

Artemis narrowed his eyes at his friend. "Hey, what's your problem Goku? What you got against the whole world, anyway?" He asked.

Goku sighed heavily. "I'm not the one with the problem, all right? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me! People take one look at me and go 'Ah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly saiya-jin!' They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone," He said sadly.

Rei looked down at the ground. She was suddenly feeling very guilty for her earlier actions towards her two rescuers, Goku in particular. She silently pulled the door closed and retuned to the darkness of the cave.

Artemis sat down next to his taller friend and laid a paw on his shoulder. "You know what? When we met, I didn't think you were just a big, stupid, ugly saiya-jin." He said softly.

Goku nodded. "Yeah, I know," He mumbled.

The two of them went back to watching the stars and talking about the stories that each celestial body told. As they talked, Goku's mood seemed to improve, and the rest of the evening passed in a more cheerful manner.


	7. Chapter 7

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CHAPTER SEVEN

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As the three travelers were sleeping on their cliff, Lord Darien was enjoying himself in his spacious bedroom. He had several outfits that were already pre-made for him and his future wife, including a formal set and a wedding set. There was also a painting of him and Rei now hanging over the fireplace. He was currently watching the picture of the princess on the mirror's glass for about the fiftieth time.

"Show me again," Darien ordered. The Yamcha mirror raised his eyebrow at him, and Lord Darien rephrased his order. "Mirror mirror show her to me, show me the princess!" He commanded.

With an inaudible sigh, the mirror complied. Darien took a long sip of his martini, his favorite drink that he had made at the private bar in his bedroom.

"Ah, perfect," He whispered as he stared at the picture before him.

The sun had risen just moments before Rei silently pushed the door of her small cave open and stepped out.

She glanced over at the snoozing travelers and grinned, then ran off into the woods. She felt so alive, so free, and so happy. She spun around in a quick circle and smiled at the golden sunshine. Then she began to sing. Surprisingly, she wasn't that bad. A small bluebird flitted up on a branch and joined the princess in her short song. Rei led the bird on a rising chorus... unfortunately for the bird, the princess's final, shrieking, off-key note was just too much. The little bird bloated out from the strain and exploded. Rei stared at the smoldering legs that still clung to the branch, as a few smoked feathers floated through the air. She then looked down at the eggs that were left in the nest. She couldn't leave them alone....they would get cold and die without their mother, after all..

Rei poked at the eggs frying on the small stone over the fire she had started. She smiled as she inhaled the smell of food, and Goku rolled over and sniffed the air in his sleep. He sat up and opened his eyes to see the princess hunched over a tiny fire, cooking. He blinked, and then glanced over at Artemis who was making odd sounds and kicking in his sleep.

"Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.... Mmm, oh, come on, baby I said I like it...." Artemis's sleep talk was quickly hushed by Goku's large hand.

The taller saiya-jin felt his face getting red as he glanced at the princess and hoped she had not heard Artemis's dream. "Artemis wake up!" Goku hissed at the sleepy feline.

Artemis slowly blinked open his eyes. "Huh, what?" He mumbled.

Goku snickered and shook his head. "Wake up."

Artemis gave him a look that clearly showed he wasn't up yet. "Oh, what?" He said in a dazed voice. Goku shook his head.

Rei glanced over at them and smiled. "Morning. How do you like your eggs?" She asked cheerfully.

Artemis jumped up and grinned at her. "Good morning, princess!" He gushed.

Goku wasn't nearly so perky as he looked at Rei. "What's all this about?" He asked while waving his hand at the eggs.

Rei gave him a soft smile. "You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday, and I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me," She spoke softly as she placed the hot eggs down for them.

Goku scratched the back of his head and blinked. "Uh, thanks," He mumbled.

Rei grinned at him. "Well, eat up. We've got a big day a head of us," She said brightly.

Goku and Artemis shrugged their shoulders at each other and ate their breakfast.

The forest was peaceful in the morning; the animals went about their activities and the birds sang happily as the cool breeze blew through the trees. The serenity was shattered by a loud belch that erupted from Goku as he walked a long the road.

"Goku!" Artemis cried. Goku gave him an odd look.

"What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say," He smiled at the princess as he spoke.

Rei suppressed a chuckle as she listened to Artemis admonish Goku. "That's no way to behave in front of a princess!" Artemis snapped.

Rei ruined the white cat's efforts by belching nearly as loudly as Goku had.

"Thanks," She said to Goku as she walked past the pleasantly shocked fur-ball.

Artemis stared on in disbelief. "She's as nasty as you are," He muttered.

Goku laughed a bit at that and gave the princess a small grin. "You know, you're not exactly what I expected," He said to her.

Rei returned the tiny smile as she replied. "Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them."

She winked at the slightly confused saiya-jin and walked on. She started to sing the same song she had sung with the bird as she walked along, but she was cut short, as a strange turbaned man in a green tunic and a red cape swung down on a vine, whisking her off the road.

Rei yelped in both surprise and anger as the man landed on a tree branch with her. The princess glared at the tall stranger, pushing herself away from him. "What are you doing?" She demanded angrily.

The guy grinned at her and lowered his sunshades to wink at the short-tempered princess. "Be still Cherie, for I am your savior, and I am rescuing you from this pink...beast," He said in a lame French accent. What was more annoying to Rei was the fact that the man had slobbered kisses all up her right arm, and was now closing in on her face. The princess had never felt more in need of rescuing than she did now, she thought, and growled at the strange man.

Just then, Goku and Artemis ran over to the base of the tree and yelled up at them. "Hey! That's _my _princess! Go find your own!" He snarled.

The man gave Goku an annoyed look. "Ha! Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?" He shooed the two travelers away, unaware of Rei's enraged look.

"Oh! Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are--" Rei's rant was cut short by the man.

"Ah, of course, how rude of me. Please, let me introduce myself," He said to the irate princess. He then yelled over his shoulder. "Oh Merry Men!" He grinned as several men jumped out from the bushes, one playing an accordion, and began to dance and sing.

The strange man, known as the Great Saiya-man, jumped down from his perch and led them in a rousing song, not to mention several absurd poses. He took out a small knife and sang about how he was going to kill Goku, but just as he was crooning out a long note, Rei swung down on a vine and kicked him in the head.

The Great Saiya-man smacked head-first into a rock and fell to the ground, unconscious. Rei smirked at the fallen body. "Man, that was annoying," She huffed.

One of the men behind her glared at her. "Why you little--" He rushed at the princess and was swiftly knocked to the ground like his leader.

The rest of the men were all on the ground in less than five minutes, courtesy of Rei's impressive karate kicks and flying fists. When the princess realized that she had knocked them all out, she smiled nonchalantly at Goku and Artemis.

"Ahem... um, shall we?" She said off-handedly as she walked past them. Goku stared after her in shock.

"Hold the phone." He dropped Artemis, who had jumped into his arms when an arrow was shot in their direction, and ran after Rei.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on now...." He caught up to the princess and gave her a confused look. "Where did that come from?" He asked.

Rei smiled at him. "What?" She asked while shrugging her shoulders.

Goku waved his hand back towards the fallen bodies. "That, back there, that was amazing!" He smiled broadly at the short princess. Rei grinned, trying desperately to hold back her blush as Goku looked down at her in awe. "Where did you learn that?" He asked, still amazed.

Rei thought quickly as she tried to explain herself. "Well, when one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things, in case there's--- there's an arrow in your butt!"

Rei completely confused Goku with her strange explanation. "What?!" He cried. He glanced at his behind where the princess was pointing and raised his eyebrow at the shaft of wood protruding from his posterior. "Oh, would you look at that," He mumbled in surprise.

He tried to tug it out and yelped at the sudden pain in his rear. Rei looked horrified. "Oh, no, this is all my fault! I'm so sorry," She said sadly as Artemis joined them.

"Why? What's wrong?" He asked.

Rei sighed. "Goku's hurt," She mumbled.

Artemis felt the color drain from his face. "Goku's hurt? Goku's hurt! Oh no! Goku's gonna die!" He cried in a panic.

Goku rolled his eyes. "Artemis, I'm ok," He said.

Artemis wasn't listening; he was in a blind panic by now. "Oh, you can't do this to me, Goku! I'm too young for you to die! Keep your legs elevated, turn your head and cough," He ranted while Goku just rolled his eyes again. "Does anyone know the Heimlich?" Artemis continued to rave wildly.

Rei grabbed hold of the cat by the shoulders and looked him in the face while shaking him firmly. "Artemis, calm down! If you want to help Goku, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns," She ordered firmly.

Artemis nodded his head rapidly. "Blue flower with red thorns... Ok I'm on it! Don't die, Goku, and if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!" He cried.

Goku and Rei gave the hysterical feline twin glares. "Artemis!" They growled.

Artemis blinked. "Oh yeah, blue flower, red thorns...," He mumbled to himself as he dashed off into the trees.

Goku scratched his head. "What are the flowers for?" He asked.

Rei gave him a sly smirk. "For getting rid of Artemis," She snickered.

Goku raised an eyebrow in the direction Artemis had gone. "Ah." He understood the need to have done that; Artemis could be... difficult to control at times.

Goku didn't notice as Rei moved around behind him, and she spoke softly as she walked up to the saiya-jin's rear. "Now, you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out," She said calmly. Before Goku could even react to what she had said, the princess was giving the arrow shaft a firm yank.

Goku jumped into the air with a roar. "Ow! Hey! Easy with the yanking!" He cried as he hopped away from Rei.

The princess put her fists on her slender hips. "Well, I'm sorry, but it has to come out. Now, now let me--" Rei tried to reason with Goku as she chased the saiya-jin around the clearing.

Goku ran ahead of Rei in an attempt to keep the princess's hands away from his rear and the lodged arrow. "No, no, it's tender!" He yelped as he barely managed to evade Rei's hand.

The princess ran after him. "Now-- now don't move!" She huffed.

Goku gave her a quick glare as he dodged him. "No! What you're doing is the opposite of help! Ok, look-- look! Time out!" He growled as he turned around and put his hand over Rei's face, stopping the princess in her tracks.

Rei grunted at him. "Would you--!" She huffed as she pulled Goku's hand from her face. "Ok, what do you propose we do?" She asked.

Artemis was tramping through the forest with a frustrated look on his face. "Blue flower, red thorns; blue flower, red thorns... This would be so much easier if I wasn't color blind!" He growled as he stomped through a small gathering of blue flowers with red thorns. A sudden scream made him snap to attention, and he instinctively grabbed a small cluster of the flowers. "Hold on Goku! I'm coming!" He yelled as he ran back.

Goku groaned as Rei tugged on the arrow again. He was lying belly down over a log, while Rei yanked on the arrow to try and remove it. "Ow! Not good," he sighed.

Rei licked her lips in determination. "Ok, ok, I can move this thing, it's just about....," She muttered while pulling hard on it. Goku's eyes widened.

"Ow! Ow!" He cried.

He rolled over to get Rei to let go of the arrow, and ended up with the smaller princess on top of him. Rei and Goku blinked into each other's eyes and fought off the urge to blush as their bodies lay against each other in a delicious position. Goku couldn't help but notice how well the princess fit between his

powerful legs, or how wonderful her smaller chest felt as it pushed against his own whenever Rei breathed.

It was at that moment that Artemis returned. He stared silently at the two for a second before clearing his throat and raising an eyebrow at them. Goku and Rei looked over at him in surprise.

"Nothing happened!" Goku yelped as he threw Rei off of him. The princess landed with a small thud on the ground, wincing as she rubbed her rear. "We were just, uh...," Goku trailed off miserably as Artemis walked past him with a snort.

"Look, if ya'll wanted to be alone, all ya had to do was ask." He said.

Goku waved his hands in the air. "Oh come on! That's the _last _thing on my mind! The princess here was just--Oh!" He groaned in pain as he looked down at a wickedly smirking princess.

Rei gave the saiya-jin an evil grin as she waved the now removed arrow at him.

"Ow," Goku whispered painfully.

Artemis glanced at them and paled a bit. "Hey, what's that? Is that... blood?" He promptly fainted after asking his question. Goku sighed and hoisted the limp feline over his shoulder and started walking, or rather, limping down the road with the princess.

Their journey seemed to brighten after the arrow incident. Goku would hold trees down over rivers so Rei could cross, and the princess used a spider web to catch some pesky insects that were bothering Goku as they walked through a field---She had even twirled the web into the shape of cotton candy for the saiya-jin to snack on. To top it all off, the two caught a poor frog and an unlucky snake, and made amphibian and reptile balloons for each other.

Artemis noted with a small grin that they seemed to be getting very close to each other. Things were looking good from his point of view.


	8. Chapter 8

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CHAPTER EIGHT

------------------------

The three travelers stopped above a field of sunflowers before an old windmill. The field stretched out below them for a few miles and beyond it lay Lord Darien's fortress city, A-kon. Goku felt his heart clench a bit as he looked upon it.

"There it is princess.. Your future awaits you," He said softly.

Rei was suddenly unsure of whether she really wanted to go there or not. "That's A-kon?" She breathed

Artemis poked his head up in-between Rei and Goku.

"Yeah I know... You know, Goku thinks Lord Darien is compensating for something, which I think means he has some really small-- ah!" He yelped as Goku kicked him hard in the rear, knocking him to the ground. "Ow," He groaned.

Rei was a little confused, but she smiled as Goku looked over at her.

"I uh, I guess we better move on," He mumbled to the princess.

Rei bit her lip as she watched Goku start to walk away. "Sure, but, um, I'm worried about Artemis!" She suddenly yelled.

Goku turned back in confusion. "What?" He asked.

Rei thought fast. "I mean, look at him! He doesn't look so good," She gave Goku a sly smile as the saiya-jin walked back.

Artemis snorted. "What are you talking about? I'm fine," He huffed.

Rei grabbed the dense feline by the chin and looked into his eyes. "Well.. that's what they always say, and then, then the next thing you know, you're on your back," She said.

Artemis raised an eyebrow at her. Goku stifled a snicker at that; he knew what the princess was thinking.

Rei narrowed her eyes at the cat. "Dead," She said flatly.

Goku decided to have a little fun with this as well, and knelt down next to Artemis. "You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?" He asked in mock concern.

Rei gave the now wide-eyed cat a small smile. "Oh, you know, I'll make you some tea," She patted Artemis's shoulder as she stood up.

Artemis sniffled. "Well, I didn't want to say nothing, but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look--" He whimpered out at them while turning his head at an odd angle until it made a sickening crack. "Ow! See?" He said with a sniffle.

Goku smiled and rubbed his hands together. "Well then, who's hungry?" He questioned. "I'll find us some dinner." He turned and headed off as Rei went the other way.

"And I'll get some firewood!" She called as she went.

Artemis watched them walk away from him. "Hey where you going?" He yelled in a panicked voice. "Oh man, I can't feel my fingers," He whimpered while glancing below him to see nothing but his white paws. "I don't have any fingers!" He shrieked.

He slumped to the ground with a sad sob. "I think I need a hug," He sniffled.

Rei and Goku sat before a warm fire, eating the catch that the saiya-jin had been roasting as the sun slowly began to set behind them.

"Mmm, this is good... this is really good. What is this?" Rei asked in-between bites.

Goku smiled as he pulled his dinner off of the spit over the fire and sat down beside the princess.

"Weed Rat, rotisserie style," He replied.

Rei raised her eyebrows. "No kidding. Well, this is delicious," She took another bite.

Goku swallowed his mouthful before speaking. "Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew," He and Rei chuckled.

The princess glanced at the castle and let out a soft sigh. "I guess I'll be dinning a little differently tomorrow night," She whispered.

Goku looked down at his meal. "Maybe... you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of things for you; swamp frog soup, fish eye tar-tar, you name it," He said with a grin.

Rei smiled warmly at him. "I'd like that," She nodded.

Goku gazed into the princess's dark eyes. "Um, princess?" He asked in a hushed voice.

"Yes, Goku?" Rei returned in the same tone.

"I um, I was wondering...." Goku felt his heart beating faster as he gazed into Rei's eyes. "Are you, uh.....are you gonna eat that?" He faltered, and pointed weakly down at her remaining food.

Rei continued to smile as she removed the rest of the rat from her stick and handed it over, unaware that Goku was scowling at himself for his fear. Goku put his hand over Rei's as he started to take the rat. Then somehow, the two of them got closer and closer, till their lips were less than an inch apart; and then a head of white fur popped up next to them, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Man isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset!" he said dreamily, spoiling the moment completely.

Rei's eyes widened. "Sunset! Oh no! I, uh, it's late, it's very late...," She stuttered as she backed away from them.

Goku blinked. "What?" He asked.

Artemis grinned slyly at the princess. "Wait a minute, I see what's going on here... you're afraid of the dark, aren't you?" He asked, totally off.

Rei smiled in relief. "Uh, yes, yes that's it. That's---I'm terrified. I, you know I better go inside," She said quickly as she headed for the old windmill.

Artemis called out to her. "Well, don't feel bad princess, I used to be afraid of the dark too, until... hey, no, wait, I'm still afraid of the dark!" he cried out, beginning to panic again.

Goku sighed. Rei smiled at them as she closed the door. "Goodnight," She called.

Goku shared a last, lingering look with the princess while he mumbled out. "Goodnight."

Artemis glanced between them before Rei closed the door. "Oh, now I see what's really going on here," He grinned devilishly at Goku.

The taller saiya-jin snorted. "Oh, what're ya talking about?" He poked a stick into the fire while Artemis smirked.

"Oh, I don't even want to hear it. Look, I'm a cat, I got instincts, and I know you two was digging on each other. I can feel it!" He snickered.

Goku huffed indignantly. "Oh, you're crazy. I'm just taking her back to Darien!" He said in his defense.

Artemis shook his head. "Oh, come on, Goku, wake up and smell the pheromones! Just go in there and tell her how you feel," He encouraged.

Goku glared at him. "There's nothing _to _tell. Besides even if I did tell her that I do---and I'm not saying I do, 'cause I don't---she's a princess and I'm--" He trailed off as he stared at the door.

"A saiya-jin?" Artemis finished.

Goku sighed. "Yeah, a saiya-jin." He threw his stick into the fire and stood up, walking towards the forest.

Artemis stared at him. "Hey where are you going?" He called out.

Goku trudged onward. "To get more firewood!" He yelled back.

Artemis glanced over at the large pile of wood that Rei had all ready gathered. He sighed as Goku walked down the hill and sat down to think.

While Goku was thinking, Artemis decided to take matters into his own hands and went inside the windmill.

"Princess... princess Rei? Princess, where are you?" He said in a hushed voice as he crept through the old, spider- infested windmill. "Princess... ah! It's very spooky in here, I ain't playing no games," He called out after stepping into a large web.

He glanced around the dark room while the princess slowly climbed up a ladder and tried to creep along the second floor without notice. But she took a misstep on an old plank, and fell straight through the floor, throwing up dust and shadowing her features as he stood up. Artemis paled as he looked at the shadow.

"Ah! Help! Goku!" He screamed. The figure ran toward him.

"No! No, no, shh!" It hissed.

"Goku!" Artemis yelled. A saiya-jin reached out for him. It had wild hair dark as ebony that trailed just below her rear at the bottom. Her eyes were very much like Goku's, and she had red fur on the majority of her body. Artemis suddenly realized that he was looking at another level four super saiya- jin.

"No, it's ok, Artemis, it's ok." The saiya-jin said in a whisper.

Artemis glared at her. "What did you do with the princess?" he demanded.

The saiya-jin shushed him again. "I'm the princess, Artemis. It's me, in this body," She said calmly.

Artemis's eyes widened as he heard the voice of the princess come out of the saiya-jin's mouth. "Ah! Oh my god! You ate the princess!" He cried. He leaned his head down and yelled at the saiya-jin's stomach. "Can you hear me?" He said desperately.

The saiya-jin, which was indeed Rei, glared at him. "Artemis!" She growled.

Artemis ignored her though and kept yelling. "Listen! Keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! Goku! Goku!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

Rei grabbed the cat's head and covered his mouth. "Shh! This is me! Ok?" She smiled as she looked into his eyes.

Artemis paled. "Princess? What happened to you? You're uh, duh, different," He said in bewilderment.

Rei sighed. "I'm ugly, ok?" She sniffled as she turned away in shame.

Artemis blinked. "Well... yeah, but was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Goku those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said, and…" He was stopped by Rei's groan.

"No. I've been this way as long as I can remember," She sighed again.

Artemis gave her an odd look. "What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before," He exclaimed.

Rei glared into room. "It only happens when the sun goes down."

She turned her gaze to a barrel of water and looked at her reflection. "By night one way, by day another, this shall be the norm. Until you find true love's first kiss, then take love's true from." She recited softly.

Artemis smiled. "Aw, that's beautiful, I didn't know you wrote poetry," He blinked as the princess snapped at him.

"It's a spell! When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become-- this! This horrible, ugly beast!" She growled, and slapped the reflection of herself in the water, splashing it on the floor "I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Darien tomorrow, before the sun sets, and he sees me... like this." She sniffled as she sat down on the mill and tried to hold back a tear.

Artemis hopped up next to her. "All right, all right, calm down... Look, it's not that bad, you not that ugly-- well, well you are, I ain't gonna lie, you are ugly, but you only look like this at night. Goku is ugly twenty-four-seven," He said in an attempt to ease Rei's grief.

The saiya-jin looked up at him and sobbed again. "But, Artemis, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look!" She wailed.

Artemis licked his lips. "Princess, how about if you don't marry Darien?" He asked.

Rei shook her head. "I have to. Only my true loves kiss can break the spell," She said resolutely.

Artemis watched her from the corner of his eyes as he spoke. "But, you know, uh, you're kind of a level four super saiya-jin, and Goku---well, you've got a lot in common," He hinted.

Rei blinked. "Goku?"

At that moment, Goku was walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in his hand.

"Princess, I, uh--- how's it going, first of all. Good? Uh, good for me too, I'm ok. I saw this flower, and thought of you because....it's pretty. Well, I don't really like it, but I thought _you _might like it, 'cause, _you're_ pretty; but I like you anyway! I, uh, ah....... I'm in trouble," He mumbled as he gave up on his rehearsed conversation.

He walked up the steps of the windmill, bracing himself. "Ok, here we go." He was about to knock on the door when he heard voices inside.

"You don't get it Artemis. I mean really, who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?" She explained sadly, talking about herself. "Princesses and ugly don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Goku... My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Don't you see, Artemis, that's just how it has to be."

Rei's words cut Goku's heart into pieces. He dropped the flower and stomped back down the stairs in a pained rage.

Back inside the windmill, Rei looked down at her hands. "It's the only way to break the spell," She sighed.

Artemis shook his head. "Well, you at least gotta tell Goku the truth," He said.

Rei nearly made him yelp as she jumped at him. "Artemis, no! You can't breathe a word, no one must ever know!" She cried.

Artemis frowned at her. "What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?" He stated.

Rei gave him a nervous look. "Promise you won't tell. Promise!" She pushed.

Artemis sighed. "All right, all right, I won't tell him, but _you _should!" He shook his head as he stepped outside and stomped down the stairs. "I just know before this is over I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Just look at my eye twitching!" He muttered to himself while forcing the muscles in his left eye to wiggle and convulse.

Rei leaned out to watch him go, and looked down to see a pretty flower on the doorstep. She picked it up and smiled at it, then looked around to see who might have put it there, inwardly wishing it was Goku.

When she saw no one around, she went back inside and shut the door tightly.


	9. Chapter 9

----------------------

CHAPTER NINE

----------------------

Rei sat on the mill stone and eagerly pulled flower petals from the sunflower in her hands.

"I tell him not, I tell him, I tell him not, I tell him!" She got up and marched to the door.

"Goku! Goku!" She yelled as she threw it open and stepped outside. "There's something I want to…" She trailed off, as she saw no one around.

At that moment the sun rose and in a swirl of sparkling light, the princes reverted to her other form. Her eyes became violet and her hair returned to normal, and the fur on her body disappeared along with her tail. As soon as the transformation was finished, Goku walked up over the top of the hill and towards the windmill. Rei frowned a bit at the scowl on the saiya-jin's face.

"Goku, are you all right?" She asked softly.

Goku glared at her. "Perfect, never been better," He snapped as he walked over to the steps.

Rei took a deep breath before she began her explanation. "Oh, well, I, I uh, there's something I have to tell you--" She started.

Goku angrily cut her off. "You don't have to tell me anything, princess. I heard enough last night," He snapped.

Rei was taken aback. "You heard what I said?" She breathed.

Goku narrowed his eyes at the princess. "Every word," He said coolly.

Rei looked confused. "I thought you'd understand," She whispered.

Goku snorted. "Oh, I understand. Like you said, who could love a horrible, ugly beast?" He said in a clipped tone.

"But, I thought that wouldn't matter to you," Rei was speaking in a very soft, controlled voice by now. She felt like her heart was being crushed under Goku's foot.

"Yeah, well it does," Goku's voice had an icy edge to it that only made things worse.

The whinny of a horse caught their attention. "Ah, right on time, Princess. I've brought you a little something," Goku sneered.

Rei blinked in surprise as a group of horses and knights approached her and Goku. She couldn't quite tell what was going on at the moment.

Artemis had been sleeping the whole time, but the sound of trumpets and marching feet woke him from his slumber. He yawned tiredly as he sat up. "Uh, what'd I miss?"

He looked up with bleary eyes at an annoyed knight and gulped.

"Eh, who said that? Couldn't have been an anime character...," the knight muttered as Artemis quickly ran behind Goku. Rei continued to stare as one of the riders spoke to Goku.

"Princess Rei?" The voice asked.

Goku nodded. "As promised. Now, hand it over," He snapped.

The dark haired rider rolled his eyes heavenward, as he pulled out a sealed scroll of parchment. "Very well, saiya-jin. The deed to your swamp, cleared out as agreed. Take it and go, before I change my mind." He said, thrusting the document out at Goku.

Rei thought the rider's voice was terribly shrill for that of a man. She felt a shiver run down her spine as the rider turned to look at her with supposedly enchanting eyes. "Forgive me, princess, for startling you, but _you _startled me. For I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I am.. Lord Darien," He said dramatically.

Rei felt herself twitch involuntarily. "Lord Darien?" She ground out in shock. She quickly composed her lost nerve. "Ah, no, no." She smiled a little as Darien had his knight help him off his horse. "For I was just saying a small farewell." Rei raised an eyebrow and blinked at her future husband's countenance; it almost looked as though there was no emotion inside him at all. She cringed even more as she looked the man in the face. He wasn't extremely ugly, but he wasn't going to win any beauty contests either.

Darien faked a smile. "That is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the saiya-jin. It's not like it has feelings," He sniffed haughtily.

Rei watched Goku start to walk away. "No, you're right. It doesn't," She deadpanned. She then gasped in surprise when Darien grabbed her by the hand and knelt before her on one knee.

"Princess Rei, beautiful, fair, flawless Rei, I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?" He gushed in perhaps the sappiest voice the princess had ever heard.

Rei was at a loss for words. She inwardly cringed... Lord Darien was beginning to freak her out, but on the other hand---She glanced over at Goku. The saiya-jin was looking at them with contempt. Rei made her decision then.

"Lord Darien, I accept. Nothing would make---" She was cut off by the Lord's exuberant cry.

"Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!" He cried.

Rei turned her gaze away from Goku and stared at the Lord. "No!" She yelled.

Darien gave her an odd look, and Goku raised an eyebrow.

Rei smiled a little. "I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today, before sunset," She felt herself pale at the leer the man gave him.

"Oh, anxious are we? You're right, the sooner the better! There's so much to do!" Darien ranted and raved as Goku walked away from them in a sullen mood.

Rei glowered at his back while only halfway listening to the man. "There's the carpenter, the cake, the guest list... Captain round up some guests!" Darien rattled while being lifted onto his horse.

Rei jumped up behind him onto the horse and waved to Goku as they headed back to the castle. "Fare thee well, saiya- jin," She called.

Artemis watched in horror as Goku walked past him and Rei rode away with Darien. "Goku, what are you doing? You're letting her get away!" He cried.

Goku threw a glare over his shoulder at the feline. "Yeah, so what?" He snapped.

Artemis ran after him and cut him off. "Goku, there's something about her that you don't know! I talked to her last night, she's---"

Artemis was abruptly cut off by a pained yell from Goku. "Yeah, I know you talked to her last night! You're great pals, aren't ya? Well, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow _her _home?!" He snapped.

Artemis blinked as Goku stepped past him. "But, Goku, I want to go with you," He mumbled. Goku turned to him with an angry glare.

"Hey, I told you didn't I? You're not coming home with me! I live alone. My swamp, me!! Nobody else, nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking hairballs!!" He roared.

Artemis swallowed hard. "But, I thought....," He trailed off softly as Goku broke in again.

"Yeah well, you know what? You thought wrong!" He growled as he marched off towards his home.

Artemis stood there for a moment, then turned and slowly trudged the other way.

Goku glared as he sullenly stomped around his now vacant swamp, picking up trash left over by the others, and silently having a pity party for himself. What did he care about the princess? She was finally getting her wish, ready to live happily ever after...

At the castle, Rei was being fitted into her wedding clothes. She tried to look happy as she gazed into the mirror, but she kept thinking of Goku. She felt like crying almost. It just wasn't fair, Rei kept thinking...why couldn't Goku accept her?

What she didn't know that the saiya-jin was having the same exact thoughts about her at that very moment.

While those two were lost in their own depressed thoughts, Artemis had made his way to a small lake. He had been vainly trying to fight off his hurt tears, but it no longer mattered if anyone could see, and he let them fall as he looked down into the cool, clear water. His eyes noticed that his reflection wasn't the only one in the water, and, with surprise, he realized that Filia was just on the other side of the rock he was sitting by.

Artemis started to run, but he heard a sniffling sound, and saw that Filia herself was crying and making soft, mournful sounds. The feline took a breath to calm his nerves. He then stepped around the rock and faced Filia. The two stared at each other in silence for a moment, then they quietly cuddled together, finding solace for their sorrows in one another's arms. Artemis had to admit that Filia was very fond of him. He started to think of his former friend and what could have gotten him so upset. He shook his head at that thought... Goku was still his friend, and he had to find a way to help him out. He knew that Goku had a thing for the

princess, and vice versa. The trick was getting them to admit it to each other.

He smirked suddenly, while Filia gently stroked his head. Artemis whispered into the Golden Dragon's ear and then gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Filia returned her smaller love's devious smirk and gently cradled him and put him on her back as they ran off towards Goku's swamp.


	10. Chapter 10

---------------------

CHAPTER TEN

---------------------

Goku was sitting at his table and solemnly gazing into his fireplace as his food lay cold in front of him. He didn't feel much like eating at the moment. The only thing he could think of was the princess.

He was startled out of his daydreams by a strange thumping noise outside his house. He blinked as he stood and went to the door, and Goku was more than surprised by what he saw outside.

"Artemis?" He asked in a puzzled tone as he walked out of the tree hut. He stepped over to the white feline and watched with curiosity as he stacked wood and stones on top of each other in a straight line. "What are you doing?" Goku could vaguely tell what it was, but he was curious as to why.

Artemis pushed a stone under a piece of wood, barely glaring over at the saiya-jin. "I would think _you_ would recognize a wall when you see one," He grunted.

Goku scratched the back of his head. "Well, yeah, but the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it," He pointed out.

Artemis continued to build. "It is, around your half. See, that's your half, and this is mine," He explained curtly.

Goku frowned. "Oh! Your half. Hmm.." He was getting annoyed now.

Artemis glared up at him. "Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess, I did half the work, I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head," He snapped.

Goku grabbed a piece of wood to chuck at the cat, and Artemis grabbed the other side of it. They began trying to shove off one another and growled angrily as they pushed.

"Back off!" Goku growled.

"No, you back off!" Artemis hissed.

"This is my swamp!" Goku snarled at him.

"Our swamp!" Artemis countered.

"Let go Artemis!" Goku warned.

"You let go!" Artemis yelled back.

"Stubborn ass!" Goku snapped.

"Smelly Saiya-jin!" Artemis returned just as coldly.

"Fine!" Goku yelled as he let go, letting Artemis fall to the ground. He turned and headed back for his door while Artemis blinked at him from the ground.

"Hey, hey, hey, come back here, I'm not finished with you yet!" Artemis cried as he ran after Goku. The tall saiya-jin kept walking.

"Well, I'm through with you!" He hissed over his shoulder.

Artemis cut him off before he could go inside. "Uh-huh, you know, with you it's always me, me, me. Well, guess what? Now it's my turn!" He exclaimed, stamping his foot on the ground, and Goku stopped in his tracks. "So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me, you insult me, and you don't appreciate anything that I do. You're always pushing me around, or pushing me away," Artemis was in full blown lecture mode, and Goku was getting an earful, which he deserved.

The saiya-jin wasn't ready to listen, though, and he whirled around to face Artemis after trying to walk away from him again. "Oh yeah? Well if I've treated you so bad, how come you came back?" He snapped.

Artemis slammed him into the door of the outhouse and glared at him. "Because that's what friends do. They forgive each other!" He growled.

Goku smiled at him. "Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right Artemis. I forgive you... For stabbing me in the back!" He shoved Artemis away and went inside the outhouse, slamming the door behind him.

Artemis let out a frustrated howl. "Auugh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you afraid of your own feelings!" He yelled.

Goku's muffled yell came back from inside. "Go away!"

Artemis snorted in annoyance. "See? There you're doing it again! Just like you did to Rei, and all she ever did was like ya, maybe even love ya!" He ranted.

Goku snapped from within once again. "Love me? She said I was ugly! A hideous creature! I heard the two of you talking," He said viciously.

Artemis frowned. "She wasn't talking about you, she was talking about--uh, somebody else." He wished he could just tell Goku, but that was the princess's call to make. Goku slowly opened the door.

"She... wasn't talking about me? Well then, who was she talking about?" He asked.

Artemis sneered at him and gave him his back. "Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't want to listen to me, right? Right?" He snapped.

Goku rolled his eyes. "Artemis," He said softly.

The feline just glared over his shoulder. "No!" He said before looking away again.

Goku sighed. "Ok, look, I'm sorry, all right?" He said half-heartedly. He received a glare in response. Goku bit his lower lip. "I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly saiya-jin. Can you forgive me?" He said with sincerity this time.

Artemis smiled at him. "Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" He grinned.

Goku smiled a bit. "Right. Friends?" He grinned widely as Artemis nodded.

"Friends." The two shook hands.

Goku scratched the back of his head nervously.

"So, um, what _did _Rei say about me?" He asked.

Artemis snickered. "Man, what are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?" He chuckled. Goku suddenly looked panicked.

"The wedding! We'll never make it in time!" He cried.

Artemis smirked triumphantly. He made a victory pose and let out a heroic laugh. "Ha-ha! Never fear! For where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way." He winked at Goku then let out a long whistle.

The two watched in awe as Filia jumped from the bushes and smiled at them. Her look was still alarming for Goku though.

"Artemis?" He gulped. Artemis laughed in embarrassment.

"I guess it's just my animal magnetism," He said softly.

Goku snickered at him. Now that he understood, it was kind of humorous. "Aw, come here, you!" He hugged the shorter feline and gave him a nuggie.

Artemis twisted out of his grasp with a laugh. "All right, don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss-ass," He snickered.

Filia helped Goku get onto her back and pulled the saiya-jin's arms around her neck. "All right, hop on and hold on tight.. I haven't had a chance to install my seat belts yet," He joked as he climbed into his love's back.

Filia kissed him tenderly as she started to fly fast and began to head for Lord Darien's castle.

At the castle, the crowd of people was making stupid cooing sounds that they were actually being led through by cue cards, courtesy of Mr. Satan. Rei found this utterly ridiculous, but she didn't say anything. The priest was still trying to get through the first sentence, and they had been standing there for almost five minutes now. Rei decided it was taking far too long, it was almost sunset.

"Um, excuse me, can we just skip ahead to the 'I do's?' " She asked quietly.

The priest glanced at the chuckling groom. "Go on," Darien ordered. He squeezed the princess's hand and gave her a sickening smile. Rei wondered what she had gotten herself into.

Outside the wedding hall, Filia had just landed. Her sudden appearance had made the knights scatter in fear, and she looked down at them hungrily. Artemis turned to give her a quick kiss and smiled at her. "Go ahead and have some fun. If we need ya, I'll whistle. How about that?" He asked.

Filia nodded and gave her smaller love a quick pinch to the rear before running after some of the frightened guards. Artemis grinned to himself as he ran after Goku, who had rushed towards the chapel.

"Goku, wait, wait! Wait a minute, you wanna do this right don't you? Look, there's a line; there's a line you gotta wait for. The priest is gonna say, 'speak now or forever hold your peace.' " He imitated the priest as he explained things.

Goku rolled his eyes. "What are you talking about?" He huffed.

Artemis kept going. "And that's when you say, 'I object!'" He stamped his foot for emphasis. Goku frowned at him.

"Oh, I don't have time for this!" He started to go inside, but Artemis pulled him back.

"Hey wait, wait, what are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you?" he said calmly.

Goku nodded. "Yes," he said lightly.

Artemis raised an eyebrow at him. "You wanna hold her?" He asked.

Goku nodded again. "Yes."

Artemis's voice took on an almost melodic tone. "Please her?" He asked.

Goku growled at him. "Yes!" He snapped. Artemis did a quick dance and sang out.

"Then ya got 'ta, got 'ta, show a little tenderness~!" He stopped and grinned at his friend. "The royals love that romantic crap!" He explained.

Goku glared at him. "All right, cut it out! When does this guy say the line?" He asked in annoyance.

Artemis opened his mouth, then closed it, looking thoughtful for a moment. "We gotta check it out," He whispered stealthily.


	11. Chapter 11

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CHAPTER ELEVEN

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Artemis's head appeared outside the window of the wedding chamber. Then it disappeared. Then reappeared, and then disappeared again. As he did this, the priest stuttered through his lines.

"And so, by the power vested in me, I know pronounce you husband and wife, King and Queen," He said slowly.

Goku threw Artemis up to the high window so he could look in again, and then caught him as he came down.

"What do ya see?" He asked.

Artemis managed to say a sentence each time Goku threw him. "The whole town's in there. They're at the altar," He gasped as he looked in again. "Mother Fletcher, he all ready said it!" He cried.

Goku threw his hands into the air. "Oh, for the love of Pete!" He ran inside the hall and let Artemis crash to the ground with a loud "Oof!"

Darien was leaning in to kiss his new wife when the doors to the room banged open and a hairy saiya-jin came running down the aisle.

"I object!" Goku yelled.

Rei stared at him in shock as he ran up to the altar. "Goku?" She whispered in disbelief.

The priest had wisely stepped away before he could faint. Darien ran his hand through his black hair. "Oh, now what does he want?!" He hissed in irritation.

Goku laughed nervously at the frightened crowd. "Hi, everyone... having a good time are ya? I love A-kon, first of all, very clean," He rambled.

Rei crossed her arms over her chest and glared. "What are you doing here?!" She demanded.

Darien added his two cents worth. "Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding!" He snapped.

Goku cut in before Darien could really get going. "Rei, I need to talk to you," He said imploringly.

Rei sneered at him. "Oh, now you wanna talk? Well, it's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me--" She snapped.

She then leaned over to kiss Darien, who was smirking evilly at Goku. The saiya-jin yanked the small princess away by her arm.

"But you can't marry him!" He cried.

Rei glared coldly at him. "And why not?" She inquired.

Goku stumbled around for an answer. "Because-- because he's just marrying you so he can be king!" He said triumphantly.

Darien acted as if he had been wounded. "Outrageous! Rei, don't listen to him," he purred.

Goku glared at him. "He's not your true love!" He growled. The princess eyed him coolly.

"And what do _you _know about true love?" She demanded in a steeled tone.

Goku was at a loss for words. "Well, uh, I uh, I mean--" He trailed off, feeling his face flush as Darien began to laugh mockingly.

"Oh, this is precious! The saiya-jin has fallen in love with the princess! Oh lord, a saiya-jin and a princess!" he gasped out between cackles.

The crowd was cued to laugh along with their king. Rei was looking into Goku's embarassed eyes with a steady gaze. "Is this true?" She whispered.

Darien cut in angrily. "Who cares! It's preposterous! Rei, my love, we are but a kiss away from our happily ever after. Now, kiss me!" He puckered his lips and made a smooching noise at the princess. Rei visibly cringed at the sight.

The princess glanced out the window at the setting sun, and then looked back at Goku.

"By night one way, by day another..." She pulled herself out of Darien's grasp and stepped away from both of them. "I wanted to show you before," She said with a small smile as she backed up to the glass, letting the sunset wash over her.

As the last light of the sun faded a glowing light surrounded the princess. It was too bright to look at as it encased her, but when it faded Rei had been transformed. She stood a few inches taller, her hair longer around the base of her tail bone...she had soft red fur all over her body, and a tail. She smiled weakly at the other saiya-jin.

Goku returned the smile. "Well, that explains a lot," He said, a bit breathlessly.

Darien was having a hard time not fainting like the other ladies of the court had. "Ugh, it's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get them out of my sight! Get them! Get them both! This hocus pocus changes nothing!" He screamed, and Darien placed the crown on his head and sneered at Goku and Rei as several guards set upon them. "This marriage is binding! And that makes me King! See! See!" He ranted in an insanely maniacal manner.

Rei struggled against the men holding her back. "No! No, Goku! No, let go of me! Goku!" She yelled as she tried to fight off her assailants.

Goku wasn't doing much better as he tried vainly to get to his beloved, as the horde of knights were pulling them apart from each other. "No! Get out of my way!" He growled at some of the men.

Darien pointed his scepter at Goku as he bellowed to his men. "Don't just stand here, you morons, kill him! You have to! Go get him! Beast, you'll rue the day we met!" He hissed at the saiya-jin as he struggled.

Goku was unable to get through the amount of knights to Rei. He was finally overpowered, and Darien laughed evilly. "I'll see you torn in two! You'll beg for death to save you!" He cried with glee.

Rei ran forward at that. "No! Goku!" She cried. She was held back before she could get very far and then she froze as Darien turned to her and placed a dagger at her throat.

"And as for you, my _wife_! I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!" He cried.

Goku had had enough. He put his fingers in his mouth and did the only thing he could think of doing. He whistled.

Darien didn't care about this as he kept on wailing insanely. "I am King! I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have--" Darien's screams were cut short by a thundering roar and the shattering of the stained glass window above the altar.

Filia took one look at the pale, shrieking king and opened her mouth. She let out a burst of flame and roasted him to a crisp. When the flames cleared, there weren't even ashes left. Artemis popped up from behind Filia and glared crazily at everyone.

"All right, nobody move! I got a Golden Dragon here and I ain't afraid to use it! I'm a feline on the edge!" He yelled.

After a moment of silence, he grinned. "Celebrity marriages, they never last do they?" Artemis chuckled and nodded to his friend. "Go ahead, Goku." He said.

Goku took Rei's hand in his. "Uh, Rei--" He started.

The princess squeezed his hand. "Yes, Goku?" She asked encouragingly.

"I... I love you," Goku said softly as a tiny smile appeared on his lips. Rei smiled at him.

"Really?" She whispered. Goku nodded.

"Really, really," He replied. Rei let out a short laugh and smiled at him.

"I love you, too," She said as Goku leaned down to her. Their lips met in a tender, loving kiss.

Mr. Satan rewrote one of the cue cards to say "Aww," and as he held it up the crowd certainly did "aww. "

As soon as the kiss ended, Rei was lifted into the air and the same light from before appeared around her again. She floated for a moment as a magical change occurred with her body... The spell was finally broken.

In a bright flash of power, the building shook and the windows, with Darien's image on them, were shattered. All but one, anyway, and Filia punched it out just to keep things orderly. After the light faded, Rei was lowered gently to the floor, and Goku helped her stand up as he smiled at her.

"Rei, are you all right?" He asked. The princess looked confused as she looked down at herself.. she was still a saiya-jin.

"Well, yes, but, I don't understand.... I'm supposed to be beautiful," She said in a sad voice.

Goku gave her a reassuring smile. "But you _are _beautiful," He said truthfully. To him, the princess was the most beautiful creature alive.

Artemis hugged Filia and wiped away a tear. "I was hopping this would be a happy ending!" He sniffed.

Goku and Rei leaned in for another kiss, but this one was a lot more passionate. It was truly love's first kiss.

After getting some things arranged, the two saiya-jins held their own wedding at the swamp, just so things would be legal and all. The happy couple walked down the aisle towards their carriage, surrounded by the crowd of villagers, royals, and Anime characters alike. After they got in, Rei threw out the bouquet of flowers she had been holding. Usagi and Ami started to fight over who would grab it, but before it even got close enough to them, Filia snatched it from the air. She moved back down and gave Artemis a sly grin. The smaller feline blushed brightly as he leaned over to kiss and nuzzle his love.

Little Chaotzu walked out from the crowd of cheering folks and waved happily at Goku and Rei.

"God bless us, everyone!" the small Z-warrior cried joyfully.

With that, the carriage carried the two saiya-jins off into the sunset, and to some place where they could make out like true lovers do!

----THE END ----


End file.
